Tom Wilkinson credited as playing...
Hugh Fennyman
- Philip Henslowe: Mr. Fennyman, allow me to explain about the theatre business. The natural condition is one of insurmountable obstacles on the road to imminent disaster.
- Hugh Fennyman: So what do we do?
- Philip Henslowe: Nothing. Strangely enough, it all turns out well.
- Hugh Fennyman: How?
- Philip Henslowe: I don't know. It's a mystery.
- Hugh Fennyman: Uh, one moment, sir.
- Ned Alleyn: Who are you?
- Hugh Fennyman: I'm, uh... I'm the money.
- Ned Alleyn: Then you may remain so long as you remain silent.
- [first lines]
- Philip Henslowe: [screams in pain]
- Hugh Fennyman: Henslowe! Do you know what happens to a man who doesn't pay his debts? His boots catch fire!
- Philip Henslowe: [screams]
- Hugh Fennyman: Why do you howl when it is I who am bitten?
- Hugh Fennyman: How much is that, Mr Frees?
- Frees: Twenty pounds to the penny, Mr. Fennyman.
- Hugh Fennyman: Correct.
- Philip Henslowe: But I have to pay the actors and the author.
- Hugh Fennyman: Share of the profits.
- Philip Henslowe: There's never any.
- Hugh Fennyman: Of course not.
- Philip Henslowe: Oh, oh, Mr. Fennyman. I think you might have hit upon something.
- Hugh Fennyman: [In a tavern-brothel, to the acting company] A famous victory! Kegs and legs open, and on the house! Oh, what happy hour.
- Hugh Fennyman: Master Shakespeare, has asked me to play the part - of the Apoth-ecary.
- Philip Henslowe: The Apothecary? Will, what is this story? Where is the shipwreck? How does the comedy end?
- William Shakespeare: By God, I wish I knew.
- Philip Henslowe: By God, if you do not, who does? Let us have pirates, clowns and a happy ending or we shall send you back to Stratford to your wife.
- Philip Henslowe: [bound, with feet high over burning coals] I have a wonderful new play.
- Hugh Fennyman: Put them back in.
- [Lambert lowers Henslowe's feet closer to the coals]
- Philip Henslowe: It's a comedy!
- Hugh Fennyman: Cut off his nose.
- Philip Henslowe: It's a new comedy by William Shakespeare!
- Hugh Fennyman: And his ears.
- Philip Henslowe: And a share! We will be partners, Mr. Fennyman.
- Hugh Fennyman: Partners?
- [Lambert lifts Henslowe's feet off the coals]
- Philip Henslowe: It's a crowd tickler. Mistaken identities. Shipwreck. Pirate King. A bit with a dog and love triumphant!
- Lambert: I think I've seen it. I didn't like it.
- Philip Henslowe: But, this time it's by Shakespeare!
- Hugh Fennyman: What's it called?
- Philip Henslowe: Romeo and Ethel the Pirates Daughter.
- Hugh Fennyman: Good title.
- Hugh Fennyman: Now, listen to me, you dregs! Actors are ten a penny and I, Hugh Fennyman, hold your nuts in my hand.
- Hugh Fennyman: Sad... and wonderful. I have a blue velvet cap that will do well. I've seen just such a cap on an apothecary. Just so.