Wanda Sykes credited as playing...
Chantal
- Grandma Klump: The other day I got out the shower and I bend down to reach for a towel, and I felt a sharp pain in my chest. Shot through my chest and up around my shoulder and down my spine. I thought "Oh, Lord." I thought I was dying. I bent over and looked, and I was standing on my own titty.
- Chantal: [cackling]
- Mama Klump: You don't need a breast reduction, just be more careful.
- Grandma Klump: Both feet too. Both feet.
- Grandma Klump: Cletus, have you ever heard of the expression 'mercy hump'?
- Papa Klump: Say what?
- [Chantel laughs loudly]
- Grandma Klump: 'Cause that's what you've been getting all these years - mercy humps.
- Mama Klump: Mama, don't start! Stop it!
- Papa Klump: You outta your goddamn mind. Let me tell you something...
- Chantal: [laughs] He ain't got nothin' but a limp noodle!
- [Anna gasps as Cletus grows offended, Chantel stops laughing]
- Chantal: Oops, sorry.
- Grandma Klump: [to Cletus, laughs] God'll getcha!
- Mama Klump: Cletus!
- [to Chantal and Grandma]
- Mama Klump: Oh, look what you've done! Oh.
- Chantal: Oh... I...
- Papa Klump: You girls are crazy. I'm leaving. I don't believe it.
- [storms out]
- Mama Klump: Oh, Cletus, Cletus, wait! Cletus! Oh, Cletus! Cletus, I only told her 'cause she's got so much experience in sexual matters.
- Papa Klump: [furiously] I ain't nothin' but a big damn joke to you, ain't I, Anna! Why don't you tell the whole world: 'my husband ain't nothin' but a big ol' pile of worthless shit'!
- [Cletus leaves]
- Mama Klump: [sadly] Cletus! Cletus! Oh!
- Mama Klump: Oh, is this supposed to be that hard?
- Chantal: [holds a mirror] Yeah, let it set a while. Don't worry if it burns a little bit, that's natural.
- Mama Klump: All right. You're the expert, Chantal. Work your magic, girl, because Denise's mother's coming to this bachelorette party and if she's as stunning as Denise, I got to be sparkling.
- Chantal: Honey, you gonna blind their asses! When you walk in that door, they gonna think you Tyra Banks!
- [Mama Klump and Granny Klump laugh hysterically]
- Chantal: Oh, did I tell you the news? Leon got one of them penis pumps.
- Granny Klump: Penis pumps? What he do with it?
- Chantal: I don't know. It's supposed to pump it up or something.
- Mama Klump: Does it work?
- Chantal: Just on the tip. Now that thing look like a Portobello Mushroom.
- [She and Mama Klump laugh]