Larry Miller credited as playing...
Walter Stratford
- Kat Stratford: We're going now.
- Walter Stratford: Alright, wait a minute. No drinking, no drugs, no kissing, no tattoos, no piercings, *no* ritual animal slaughters of any kind. Oh, God, I'm giving them ideas.
- Walter Stratford: Hello, Katarina. Make anyone cry today?
- Kat Stratford: Sadly, no. But it's only 4:30.
- Walter Stratford: [Bianca and Chastity are sneaking past Bianca's father] Shoulda used the window!
- Bianca: Hi Daddy!
- Walter Stratford: Hi... where're we going?
- Bianca: Well, if you must know... a small study group of friends.
- Walter Stratford: Otherwise known as an orgy?
- Chastity: Mr. Stratford, it's just a party!
- Walter Stratford: And hell is just a sauna.
- Walter Stratford: This morning, I delivered a set of twins to a fifteen-year-old girl, do you know what she said to me?
- Bianca: "I'm a crack-whore who should have made my skeazy boyfriend wear a condom"?
- Walter Stratford: Close, but no. She said, "I should have listened to my father".
- Bianca: She did not.
- Walter Stratford: Well, that's what she would have said if she wasn't so doped up!
- Walter Stratford: Where's your sister going?
- Kat Stratford: She's meeting some bikers. Big ones. Full of sperm.
- Walter Stratford: Funny.
- Bianca: But she's a mutant! What if she never dates?
- Walter Stratford: Then you'll never date. Oh, I like that.
- Walter Stratford: You know fathers don't like to admit it when their daughters are capable of running their own lives. It means we've become spectators. Bianca still let's me play a few innings - you've had me on the bench for years. When you go to Sarah Lawrence, I won't even be able to watch the game.
- Kat Stratford: *When* I go?
- Walter Stratford: Oh, boy. Don't tell me you changed your mind. I already sent 'em a check.
- [Kat gasps in surprise, then hugs her father]
- Walter Stratford: I'm down, I've got the 411, and you are not going out and getting jiggy with some boy, I don't care how dope his ride is. My momma didn't raise no foo'!
- Walter Stratford: Do you know what happens at proms?
- Bianca: Yes. We'll dance, we'll kiss, we'll come home. It's not quite the crisis situation you imagine.
- Walter Stratford: Kissing? That's what you think happens? I've got news for you. Kissing isn't what keeps me up to my elbows in placenta all day long.
- Bianca: Can we, for two seconds, ignore the fact that you're severely unhinged and discuss my need for a night of teenage normalcy?
- Walter Stratford: What's normal? Those damn... Dawson's river kids sleeping in each other's beds and whatnot?
- Bianca: Daddy that is so not...
- Walter Stratford: I've got news for you. I'm down, I've got the 411, and you are not going out and getting jiggy with some boy, I don't care how dope his ride is. Mamma didn't raise no fool.
- Bianca: People expect me to be there!
- Walter Stratford: Kat's not going, you're not going!
- Bianca: Why can't you be normal?
- Kat Stratford: Define normal.
- Bianca: Bogey Lowenstein's party is normal.
- Walter Stratford: What's a Bogey Lowenstein?
- Kat Stratford: Bogey's party is just a lame excuse for all the idiots at our school to drink beer and rub up against each other in hopes of distracting themselves from the pathetic emptiness of their meaningless...
- Bianca, Chastity: ...meaningless, consumer-driven lives.
- Walter Stratford: And I'll get to sleep at night. The deep slumber of a father whose daughters aren't out being impregnated.
- Walter Stratford: You're 18, you don't know what you want. And you won't know what you want 'til you're 45, and even if you get it, you'll be too old to use it.
- Walter Stratford: What are the two house rules? Number One: No dating till you graduate. Number Two: No dating till you graduate.
- Walter Stratford: My insurance does not cover PMS!
- Kat Stratford: Well then, tell them I had a seizure.
- Walter Stratford: I know who you wanna bend the rules for. It's that hot-rod Joey.
- Bianca: What's a hot-rod?
- Bianca: Can we for two seconds ignore the fact that you're severely unhinged and discuss my need for a night of teenage normalcy?
- Walter Stratford: What's normal? Those damn Dawson's River kids, sleeping in each other's beds and whatnot?
- Walter Stratford: So, tell me about this dance, was it hoppin'?
- Kat Stratford: Ugh. Parts of it.
- Walter Stratford: Which parts?
- Kat Stratford: [laughingly] The part where Bianca beat the hell out of some guy.
- Walter Stratford: Bianca did what?
- Kat Stratford: What's the matter, upset that I rubbed off on her?
- Walter Stratford: [proud] No, impressed.