Whose Line Is It Anyway? (1998–2007)
Greg Proops: Self
Photos
Quotes
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Drew Carey : Now let's go on to a game called "African Chant". As we know, Africa's a big country...
[Greg starts laughing]
Greg Proops : Or a *continent*, if you're a geographer.
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Greg Proops : [Hats, in a rabbit mask] I'm not into protection
Drew Carey : Say it again... I don't think they heard you.
Greg Proops : Oh, could no one hear me? Maybe it's because of this fucking mask I'm wearing.
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Drew Carey : [Scenes from a Hat] Bad first lines of medical ads.
Colin Mochrie : Ever wonder how food becomes poo?
Greg Proops : Been decapitated recently?
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Drew Carey : [scenes from a hat] Things you do not want to hear your grandmother singing about.
Wayne Brady : [singing] Grandma likes to get freaky in the mornin', freaky at night! Freaky on the left...
[buzz]
Greg Proops : [singing] Grandpa doesn't touch me anymore!
[buzz]
Ryan Stiles : [singing] Oh, I put rat poison in the Christmas dinner.
[buzzer; extreme laughter from Wayne]
Ryan Stiles : [goes back up] I like to be on top!
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[after the "Howard" Village People song malfunctions and goes insanely fast]
Greg Proops : [to Wayne] Watch out for those tempo changes, man... 'Cause when we go into the second bridge, this shit takes off.
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Drew Carey : [giving hints to Greg that the answer for Colin's "party quirk" includes gravity] What holds you to the Earth?
Greg Proops : Why, my love for you, Drew.
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[Party quirks]
Greg Proops : No. No! I'm just saying no to rugs.
[doorbell]
Greg Proops : Come on in, Wayne! How's it going, man? W-welcome to the party.
Wayne Brady : [as "Chicken With Attitude"] Hmph.
[walks in like a chicken and puffs up like saying "What you want"]
Greg Proops : Are you all right? You want some...
Wayne Brady : ["No. Leave me alone!" kind of movement]
Greg Proops : Y-you want some corn or chips or something?
[doorbell]
Greg Proops : I'm gonna...
Wayne Brady : ["Answer the dang door!"]
Greg Proops : Woah, woah! I gotta get the door. Hello, Col. How are ya?
Colin Mochrie : [as "A Person Who's Auditioning for Every Part in a Slasher Film"] Here's my 8" by 10".
Greg Proops : Uh... all right? Great.
Colin Mochrie : All right? Here we go.
[clears throat]
Colin Mochrie : Okay.
[screams loudly]
Colin Mochrie : No, wait! I can do it better.
[screams louder on higher pitch]
Colin Mochrie : No. I think maybe this part.
[Covers hand over one eye and mimes stabbing someone while moaning]
Greg Proops : [doorbell] Oh.
[ducks under his arm]
Greg Proops : You have GOT to stop taking sudifed! Oh, hi Ryan! How are you?
Ryan Stiles : [as "Excited by Ugliness and Looking for the Perfect Specimen"] Great, how are you?
Greg Proops : Fine.
Ryan Stiles : Hey, thanks for inviting me. Can I meet your other guests?
Greg Proops : Sure, no problem.
[moves over to Wayne]
Greg Proops : This is a chicken. A funky chicken? No, he's not a chicken. A music chicken? He's a funky chicken? He's a chicken who thinks he's a rooster?
Drew Carey : He's a chicken with an ATTITUDE.
Greg Proops : Chicken with an attitude?
[laughs]
Greg Proops : Ryan, have you met Colin. He's audtioning for a horror movie.
Drew Carey : Every part in a horror movie.
Greg Proops : [talking while Ryan, who's excited by ugliness in this role, is gazing at Drew Carey with facsination] Listen... can I get you something? A glass of water or punch or something? Would you like a glass of punch or something?
Ryan Stiles : Sure, Ryan.
[pretends to spill invisible glass]
Ryan Stiles : Oops. I dropped it all over myself.
[bends down to show Drew his butt]
Ryan Stiles : I believe I haven't met your other friend.
Greg Proops : Oh, well this is Drew. He sits behind a desk and makes a lot more than us!
[laughter from the audience]
Greg Proops : Hey, Drew. Have you met Ryan? He's trying to... seduce everyone he meets!
Drew Carey : No.
Greg Proops : He's a man who's attracted to everyone he meets? No? He's a man who's attracted to everyone he meets? He's a guy who's imagined that...
Drew Carey : [interrupting] Well, here he says that he's excited by UGLINESS!
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Greg Proops : [holding Drew like an award] I'd like to thank the academy for giving me the Drew Carey award. It feels so great that only one person with funky glasses can get this award each year. I feel I'm the king of the... General Area!
[suddenly, Drew falls off the World's Worst Step!]
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[Scenes From a Hat - "What George W. Bush is really thinking during Cabinet meetings"]
[Wayne steps out, and stares around, signifying nothing; buzzer]
Greg Proops : What's the "W" stand for, anyway? Whatever...
[Buzzer]
Colin Mochrie : There isn't even a cabinet in here.
Wayne Brady : [Referring to an earlier joke] That's where poo comes from!
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Drew Carey : [Scenes From a Hat] The good news and the bad news.
Greg Proops : Merry Christmas, Tommy! Look, it's "Geppetto" on DVD.
Wayne Brady : Ooh!
[Drew presses the buzzer, tight-lipped, while the audience laughs and cheers]
Wayne Brady : I liked it!
Greg Proops : I liked it, too.
Wayne Brady : I was in it. I liked it.
Greg Proops : [weakly] The bad news was it was Christmas.
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Colin Mochrie : [playing impossible mission] I thought we were out of the spy business?
Ryan Stiles : We're never out of the spy business, Colin, not as long as tapes keep coming to the door.
Greg Proops : How would you like to make money in Real Estate?
[Ryan fast forwards]
Greg Proops : Good morning, gentlemen.
Colin Mochrie : Good morning.
Greg Proops : How are you today?
Colin Mochrie : Fine.
Ryan Stiles : How's your cold, Ryan?
Ryan Stiles : It's cleared up.
Greg Proops : Well all right then...
Colin Mochrie : Like what am I, nothing?
Greg Proops : I'd love to chat but I'm busy being on the...
[Colin fast forwards]
Greg Proops : Today's mission is of the greatest importance. The Meer of Grufunkastan, a small Middle Eastern Nation is coming to visit the President. He'll be arriving in Washington D.C., however, his flight has been delayed and his burnoose is dirty. Your mission is to go to his hotel, The George C. Clark hotel, you don't know him, never mind, and clean a new bernoose for the Meer of Grufunkastan. This tape will self destruct as soon as you throw it out the...
[Ryan throws it out the window]
Greg Proops : BOOM!
Ryan Stiles : Thank God we picked window!
Colin Mochrie : Yes. Well, we've got a mission. Let's get to it.
[dramatic music]
Ryan Stiles : I can't remember where the hotel is, you got your Thomas Guide? E5. it's gonna be tough. Oh my God, my car's in the shop.
Colin Mochrie : Well, luckily they've marked every street and town with big numbers and letters.
Ryan Stiles : Wait a minute we're at E4 already.
Colin Mochrie : Look, E5.
Ryan Stiles : I didn't know we lived so close to the hotel.
Colin Mochrie : No kidding, we only look out the windows to throw burning tapes.
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Drew Carey : If famous movie lines were done by cartoon characters.
Greg Proops : [as Scooby Doo] Uh, frankly my dear, I don't give a damn!
Colin Mochrie : [as Elmer Fudd] Feeling wucky punk!
Ryan Stiles : [as Popeye] I'll be back-agagagagagagag!
Colin Mochrie : [as Snagglepuss] Rosebud, even!
Wayne Brady : [as Yogi Bear] Hey, Punk! Are you feeing lucky? Do you wanna see what's in my pic-a-nic basket?
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Greg Proops : [Improbable Mission] This message will self-destruct... now - BOOM!
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[playing World's worst TV programs]
Greg Proops : Hi, I'm Bill from the NRA, and it's gun safety wee...
[imitates getting shot]
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Greg Proops : [playing Bad Dating Service Videos] I have a fish head on. I'm fucking 42 years old.
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Drew Carey : [playing Scenes from a Hat] "People you wish would just shut up..."
Wayne Brady : [steps out] People you wish would just shut up...
Greg Proops : I'm Alex Trebek, and this is Jeopardy.
[Buzz]
Greg Proops : Oh, I'm sorry, that buzz was too late.
Greg Proops : I had an idea for a show! Four women with different viewpoints. Maybe too different!
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Greg Proops : [playing scenes from a hat with worst state mottos] Mississippi: We do too have all our teeth!
Colin Mochrie : Miami: The land that time remembered.
Drew Carey : Miami's a city.
Colin Mochrie : Florida: Not to be confused with Miami.
Ryan Stiles : Montana: How fast can you drive?
Ryan Stiles : Utah: 30,000 wives can't be wrong.
Greg Proops : Texas: Capital Punishment rocks!
Drew Carey : Couldn't agree more!
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Greg Proops : In a world full of poop, there's just one prooper. I'm Greg Proops, the pooper scooper.
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Drew Carey : [Scenes from a hat-] What President Bush does in the Oval Office when he's all by himself.
Greg Proops : [pretends to look in mirror] Who beat Al Gore? Who beat Al Gore?
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[Weird Newscasters - Greg is a German insult comic]
Greg Proops : Ve vill dominate you!
Colin Mochrie : You've yet to win a war.
Greg Proops : And yet you drive a BMW.
[laughs evilly]
Greg Proops : Ve von! La-la la-la la-la la!
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Greg Proops : [wearing a long hair peice and holding a battle ax] GONDOR NEED WOMAN!
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Drew Carey : [Scenes from a Hat] Things that will get 'bleeped' by the censors.
Wayne Brady : En espanol, I am "El Grande Ricardo", but you can call me "Big Dick".
[buzz]
Greg Proops : I'm George Bush and I'm a fucking indigimimite.
[buzz]
Colin Mochrie : [reffering to a cat] Here, pussy!
[buzz]
Drew Carey : [laughing] Bloopers from the first 100 episodes.
Colin Mochrie : Here, pussy!
[Greg and Wayne go up and start kissing]
Greg Proops : He's... uh...
Wayne Brady : [Starts humming the Irish Drinking Song]
Wayne Brady : [Puts on Drew's glasses] Hi, welcome to Whose Line it an- Oh, gosh I'm so stupid!
Colin Mochrie : [Referring to an earlier scene] H-O-R-W-A-R-D!
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Drew Carey : [Scenes from a hat] Versions of hell, other than eternal flame.
Ryan Stiles : Okay, that's a thousand points for Colin, it's time for Hoedown.
Colin Mochrie : Let's hear that Yentl soundtrack one more time!
[when no one laughs, he does his "Lightning Rod of Hate" signal]
Wayne Brady : Mississippi, I'm still in Mississippi!
Greg Proops : Mississippi, *I'm* still in Mississippi!
