Lisa Robin Kelly credited as playing...
Laurie Forman
- Kitty Forman: I need someone who can take evil
- [Laurie walks in]
- Kitty Forman: How's mama's girl? I have a job for you.
- Laurie Forman: Not interested.
- Kitty Forman: It pays 10 dollars.
- Laurie Forman: I'll do anything for ten dollars.
- Kitty Forman: For once that's a good thing.
- Red: Nothing around this house is cheap.
- Eric: Except for Laurie.
- Laurie Forman: I am not cheap!
- Eric: Free, whatever.
- Pastor Dave: Ok, Laurie, let's see what you have.
- Laurie Forman: [Laurie slowly puts three cards down one at a time while smiling and glaring at Dave]
- Pastor Dave: Six... six... six... Oh, well thank you for the wonderful evening! I'll see you at church!
- Donna Pinciotti: Do you think Eric could cheat on me with Shelley?
- Michael Kelso: Donna, Shelley's a tramp. No guy could ever turn down a tramp.
- Donna Pinciotti: Oh, my god. Is that true?
- Steven Hyde: I don't know. Let's find out. Laurie, have you ever been turned down?
- Laurie Forman: No.
- Steven Hyde: See?
- Laurie Forman: You should watch your back.
- Jackie Burkhardt: You should stop spending so much time on yours.
- Red: Well, we got vandals in this town. I was driving home and I saw the water tower giving me the finger.
- Laurie Forman: Vandals you say? Hmm, where were you last night, Eric?
- Kitty Forman: Oh, can it, Laurie. Eric you look pale. Let me see your eyes.
- [Eric just looks down]
- Kitty Forman: Look at me.
- [Eric looks at Kitty, imagining her she was naked after seeing his parents having sex]
- Kitty Forman: Do you have fever?
- Red: [Eric looks at Red, and he's imagining him naked, too] I know what you need. Right after breakfast, I want you to mow the lawn. The fresh air will do you good.
- Kitty Forman: [the camera turns around back to Kitty. Kitty is still naked and she wipes something off her chest] Eric, is something bothering you?
- Eric: [looking at Kitty and Red a couple more times] God, make it stop!
- [leaves the table]
- Laurie Forman: You know Eric, hickeys lead to dirty things.
- Red Forman: For God sakes. Don't let Donna suck your neck.
- Michael Kelso: Jackie and I are back together.
- Laurie Forman: I understand. But, do you want to see my appendix scar?
- Michael Kelso: Once again... WHAT'S-HER-NAME AND I ARE BACK TOGETHER.
- Red Forman: Oh and uh, here's a 20.
- Laurie Forman: Will that cover for gas?
- Kitty Forman: Oh well, honey, give her another 10 just in case.
- Eric: You know, I could use some gas money.
- Red Forman: [laughs] Yeah... and if a frog had wings, it wouldn't bump it's ass when it hops.
- Eric: Laurie was born with a tail!
- [Fez and Hyde look disgusted; Laurie looks horrified and humiliated]
- Laurie Forman: I hate you!
- [runs away crying]
- Laurie Forman: Hey jackie, whose that cute guy you came here with?
- Jackie Burkhardt: BACK OFF! I need him for right now but you can have him when i'm done.
- Michael Kelso: Laurie, what's going on? You're acting like you're liking me, and that's weird.
- Laurie Forman: Like I told you, Kelso. I'm bored.
- Michael Kelso: Well, that's very flattering.
- Steven Hyde: Oh, I see how it is. When things get ugly, all of a sudden I'm family.
- Laurie Forman: Not to me, you freak.
- Steven Hyde: [pause] You are SO gonna wind up in porno.
- Red Forman: I say good riddance. That cat was always making a mess on my lawn and going through my garbage.
- Laurie Forman: Yeah. But now we have Hyde to do that.
- Steven Hyde: Oh yeah, Laurie? And what exactly do you do? Oh, yeah - the Packers.
- Kitty Forman: Steven's father is in town?
- Laurie Forman: Yeah, right. Like he even knows who his father is.
- [gets up and leaves]
- Red Forman: Do you know anything about this?
- Eric: Yeah. She's a bitch.
- Donna Pinciotti: Laurie, are these your panties?
- Laurie Forman: Donna, please. I don't wear pink panties.
- Steven Hyde: Yeah, she'd have to wear panties to wear pink panties.
- Eric: Fez, you better start kissing Red's butt or else he'll make sure you're deported.
- Fez: Who should be kissing who's butt? He should be thanking me for taking his trashy daughter off his hands.
- Laurie Forman: I'm not that trashy. I won't sleep with you.
- Fez: Oh, zip it Jezabelle.
- [Red complains about the neighbors' dog]
- Red: That thing was always messing in my yard and going through my trash.
- Laurie Forman: Now we have Hyde for that.
- Steven Hyde: Oh yeah Laurie, and what exactly do you do? Oh that's right, the Packers.
- Laurie Forman: What about Hyde? Why doesn't HE have to go to church?
- Steven Hyde: While I respect the Judeo-Christian ethic, as well as the eastern philosophies and of course the teachings of Mohammed, I find that organized religion has corrupted those beliefs to justify countless atrocities throughout history. Were I to attend church, I'd be a hypocrite.