Lin Shaye credited as playing...
Mrs. Bruce
- Jam: Hey what's up mom? I'm gonna ask you this nicely first. Can I have my drumsticks back?
- Mrs. Bruce: Your drumsticks are the least of your worries young man. You ran out on God! My son just ran out on God! You are in a world of...
- Jam: TROUBLE! HA HA HA! I've been in trouble for the past 12 hours! HELLO? You know I'm going to be in St. Bernards Boarding School for the next 2 years of my life, remember?
- Mrs. Bruce: YES!
- Jam: I am going to be out of your hair until I am a legal adult!
- Mrs. Bruce: YES!
- Jam: Then all you have to do is go to church, light a candle, and pray to some stupid little statue for me and all is forgiven and forgotten, right mom? Then you can spend your days in a guilt free pursuit of more constructive activities like telling everybody ELSE how screwed up THEIR lives are. And then you no longer need the patience and understanding required to talk to your own son on some normal plain. And then that way you don't have to think about how tough it was for you when you were growing up and its probably a good thing too cause if you did, you'd realize what a lousy, goddamn shitty-ass parent you are!
- Mrs. Bruce: Jeremiah... what has gotten into you?
- Jam: [Yells over bullhorn to crowd of church-goers] I JUST LOST MY VIRGINITY IN A CONFESSIONAL BOOTH! LORD... HAVE... MERCY! Now, for the last time... Mom... Give me back my FUCKING drumsticks...
- [long pause]
- Jam: please.
- Mrs. Bruce: God forbid one day you have a son like you, Jeremiah. A boy who lies through his teeth, buys demonic records, and smokes the dope!
- Mrs. Bruce: [to Jam] It is about time, that you gave up that STUPID dream of yours, once and for all! No son of mine is gonna be a career musician... ever, ever, EVER!
- Mrs. Bruce: Where's Karen Carpenter?
- Jam: How would I know?
- Mrs. Bruce: Do you have Donny and Marie, too?
- Jam: *Why* would I have Donny and Marie?
- Mrs. Bruce: You know what Kiss stands for, don't you?
- [hushed voice]
- Mrs. Bruce: 'Knights In Satan's Service!'