Martin Lawrence credited as playing...
Miles Logan
- Miles Logan: [talking to Deacon] I know you don't want to go to jail in Mexico because nobody wants to go to jail in Mexico. They put all kinds of burritos in your ass.
- Miles Logan: Damn. What happened? Did you eat the whole time I was in there? Wait a minute, that's alright. I can adjust, it's the love that counts. I can adjust to a plus size woman, just more cushion for the pushing.
- Shawna: Janiece! Your sad-ass sack of bones is here!
- Miles Logan: I apologize, you're her cousin. Can I buy you some cereal?
- Miles Logan: Hey, this is the police. Move your busted-ass vehicle. Move, move, move, move. This is the LAPD. We'll pop one in your ass. We got guns and shit.
- Miles Logan: Put your hands on the Oodles of Noodles.
- Tulley: Chicken or beef?
- Miles Logan: Chicken. Cool. Cool is good.
- Tulley: Miles?
- Miles Logan: Tulley? What are you doing?
- Tulley: I'm freaking working over here.
- FBI Agent Gray: All right Detective Malone. Now the objective here is to have these individuals look upon you as if you were one of them, a member of the criminal underworld. So it's important that your actions, your speech, and your general mode of behavior is all congruent with their expectation of a fellow criminal.
- Miles Logan: Oh, okay, I get it. S-sorta walk the walk.
- FBI Agent Gray: That's right.
- Miles Logan: Yeah.
- FBI Agent Gray: You have to look, act, and even think like a criminal. And you're gonna have to change your speech patterns too. Most criminals like to use slang terminology, and profanity, and so forth, especially with regard to police and authority figures.
- Miles Logan: Oh, you mean like, "Shut the hell up you d*ckless FBI..."?
- FBI Agent Gray: Okay that's right, that'll do.
- Miles Logan: "You stupid-ass..."
- FBI Agent Gray: That'll do.
- Miles Logan: No, "You tight-ass..."
- FBI Agent Gray: Enough!
- Miles Logan: Why are you hitting mom-and-pop stores anyway? Look, you're a driver, man. You got skills, Tulley. You could be out there on the road, man, doing your shit!
- Tulley: Well, I'm desperate! 'Cause I need some money, too! And why the freak are we whispering?
- [Miles looks at street signs, then the sign on the building]
- Miles Logan: 5th and Grand? To protect and to - - ?
- [throws a fit]
- Miles Logan: We can't get out of here. They got cops everywhere.
- Tulley: So? You're one of 'em.
- Miles Logan: No, I'm a drug dealer now!
- Tulley: Man, why you sellin' this shit when you got that big diamond in your hand?
- Prison Guard #37: One belt, one shoelace, one wallet containing twenty-two dollars.
- Miles Logan: One shoelace? Yo, man. Do you know how much them shoes cost? One shoelace? I came in here with two. You took my shoelace? Did you take my shoelace, man?
- Prison Guard #37: You got two seconds to walk out that door. Sign out and leave my pen.
- Miles Logan: Don't you ever get all up on this thing?
- Carlson: I don't think I've ever gotten all up on anything, sir.
- Miles Logan: Carlson. I've got something to tell you. I'm not from West Covina. I'm from Internal Affairs.
- Miles Logan: All right check this out: This is a Brigga 3300, toughest safe in the world. What's the first thing you do?
- Eddie: Drill the lock.
- Miles Logan: No! You got to check to see if it's open.
- Miles Logan: [excited] It's open!
- Eddie: [surprised] Really?
- Miles Logan: Nah I'm messin' wit- I'm messing with you! They would never do that! Now Eddie, you know they would never do that!
- [laughs]