David Suchet credited as playing...
Hercule Poirot
- Chief Inspector Japp: What's that thing in the bathroom, Poirot?
- Hercule Poirot: Comment?
- Chief Inspector Japp: Like a umm... foot bath.
- Hercule Poirot: Ah, the bidet.
- Chief Inspector Japp: Oh, bidet. It's got a sort of fountain thing in the middle; what's that for?
- Hercule Poirot: Uhh... it is of no significance.
- Chief Inspector Japp: Nearly got a squirt in the eye when I turned it on.
- Miss Lemon: Kumpf!
- [snorting with stifled laughter]
- [last lines]
- Chief Inspector Japp: [presenting a plate of his own cooking to Poirot and pointing to each item] There, now that is what I call food. That's your mashed potato, this is your peas - mushy peas we call them - you'll love 'em - and this,
- [in a French accent]
- Chief Inspector Japp: the piece de resistance - faggots.
- Hercule Poirot: Faggot.
- Chief Inspector Japp: Faggots - and there's spotted dick for afters.
- Hercule Poirot: [looking incredulous] - Dick?
- Chief Inspector Japp: Yes. It's called that because...
- [looks puzzled]
- Chief Inspector Japp: .
- Hercule Poirot: This is tragic Chief Inspector.
- Chief Inspector Japp: No no, it's fine.
- Hercule Poirot: I can eat none of this wonderful food.
- Chief Inspector Japp: What? Why?
- Hercule Poirot: Because... I have an allergy of the faggot.
- Chief Inspector Japp: An allergy?
- Hercule Poirot: Oui. I... I do not know how you say it in English, but in Belgian it is... known as... 'la phobie de faggot'.
- Chief Inspector Japp: I've never heard of that.
- Hercule Poirot: I'm so sorry Chief Inspector, I should have warned you.
- Chief Inspector Japp: Well, this is a blessed upset I must say. Still, you can have some spotted dick...
- [sarcastically]
- Chief Inspector Japp: you haven't got a 'phobie de dick' have you?
- Hercule Poirot: [smiles and shakes his head] No.
- [Hands his plate to Japp and with a pleading look]
- Hercule Poirot: some cheese?
- Chief Inspector Japp: I'll have a look.
- Hercule Poirot: Just some Camembert, a little Brie perhaps.
- Chief Inspector Japp: [putting a cheese dish in front of Poirot] Bon. Nothing like a bit of mousetrap.
- [Poirot screws up his face in disgust and looks away]
- Chief Inspector Japp: .