Andrew Phillips credited as playing...
Lee Harvey - Age 9
- Shonte Jr.: Damn. I can't figure out the atomic mass of this motherfuckin' deuteron!
- Jamaal: Shit, man, that shit's simple! Okay. Tell me this. Tell me this.
- Shonte Jr.: What? What?
- Jamaal: What's a deuteron made up of?
- Shonte Jr.: Duh, a proton and a neutron.
- Jamaal: Then what's this motherfuckin' electron doing right there?
- Shonte Jr.: Shit, I don't know!
- Jamaal: Well, get it outta there then!
- Shonte Jr.: Okay, so, you're sayin' I add up the atomic masses of the proton and the neutron, right, I see's that, but what do I do with the goddamn electron? Can I bring it over here?
- Jamaal: Enrico Fermi'd roll over in his motherfucking grave if he heard that stupid shit. I mean, he'd just turn over ass up in your face. He wouldn't give a fuck!
- Lee Harvey: Hey, Jamaal, man, just cut my man some slack, dog.
- Jamaal: Look here, man, I'm just tryin' to help him save face, all right? I mean, you know, he keep askin' questions like that, motherfuckers gonna think he's stupid!
- Shonte Jr.: I ain't stupid.
- Jamaal: Aw, shit, man.
- Charlie Baileygates: Mornin', fellas.
- Lee Harvey: Oh, hey, Dad.
- Jamaal: Hey, Pops, how you doin', man?
- Charlie Baileygates: What's all the commotion down here?
- Jamaal: Oh, you know, just school shit and shit.
- Charlie Baileygates: How's my little guy doing?
- Shonte Jr.: Struggling. This quantum physics is confusing. If I don't buckle down, I'm gonna get myself another B-plus.
- Charlie Baileygates: Ooh, that'd be whack.
- Lee Harvey: Man, he so fuckin' dumb, he think calculus is a goddamn emperor.
- Jamaal: [bumping fists] Give it up, dog.
- Shonte Jr.: Yeah, well, you think polypeptide's a motherfuckin' toothpaste!
- Lee Harvey: Is your old lady happy?
- Lieutenant Gerke: Is my old lady happy?
- Lee Harvey: Yeah, because if your fuckin' is anything like your police work then you couldn't hit the G-spot on a twelve pound pussy.
- Lee Harvey: Shit, yeah, man, look, you keep fuckin' around, you gonna get that scholarship to Yale taken away from you. Be stuck up there at Stanford with those goddamn sling-blade motherfuckers.
- Jamaal: Shit, motherfucker, you be lucky to get accepted to Duke, gettin' a 1430 on yo' SATs.
- Lee Harvey: Motherfucker, you know I had the flu.
- Jamaal: The flu, my ass! You had a motherfuckin' aneurysm to get a 1430!
- Jamaal: Lee Harvey, what's the diameter of a chicken egg?
- Lee Harvey: 4.08 centimeters.
- Jamaal: No, no, what's that in inches?
- Lee Harvey: 1.61, man, what the fuck you gettin' at, man?
- Jamaal: I got ten bucks saying I can squeeze a chicken egg up his ass without it breaking.
- Shonte Jr.: Man, you can't put no chicken egg up his ass, man, look at him, he a tightass.
- Jamaal: No, it can be done.
- Lee Harvey: Yo. I'll take that bet.
- [They bump fists]
- [in a police helicopter on the ground]
- Shonte Jr.: Anybody know how to fly this damn thing?
- Jamaal: Motherfucker, it can't be that hard, it's just lift versus drag and rotation.
- Lee Harvey: Yeah, man, get your head out your ass.
- Shonte Jr.: It's not that, man, the controls are written in German, ya asshole.
- Lee Harvey: Motherfucker, you speak German don't you?
- Shonte Jr.: Motherfucker, I can speak it, I ain't saying I can read the shit all that good.
- Jamaal: [Grabs instruction book] You a motherfuckin' disgrace!
- [reading in German from the instruction book; subtitled]
- Jamaal: Secure the aft doors and adjust the motherfucking rotor pedals!
- Shonte Jr.: Jawohl!
- Jamaal: [in German] Now, disengage the goddamn inverter switch!
- Shonte Jr.: Jawohl!
- Jamaal: [in English] Well, get this motherfucker off the ground!
- Jamaal: Motherfucker! That motherfuckin' Vince Foster was murdered! I told you that shit!
- Lee Harvey: Look, my man, will you quit hacking into them goddamn Pentagon files, man? Ain't no never mind who them crooked politicians be killing. You need to just do your goddamn studyin'!
- Jamaal: These two motherfuckers can do the shopping, and I'll do the cooking.
- Lee Harvey: Man, you'll do the cooking? Man, you're the one who thought you got chipped beef from a toothy blowjob.
- [after Hank Evans has a bowel movement on the neighbor's lawn]
- Shonte Jr.: Damn, do you think daddy's getting too much stress?
- Lee Harvey: I think he's getting too much shredded wheat by the mothafuckin' look of it!