The Pirates of Penzance (1994 TV Movie)

Jon English: The Pirate King

Quotes 

• The Pirate King : [Exhausted and out of breath after the conductor has made the Pirates repeat the end of "With Cat-like Tread" three times]  Wait a minute! Just a minute, please! This is very important. Please... this is... this is... We haven't... finished... yet! We have some very... important... dialogue... to do.

  [Strikes a pose, the audience interrupts him with cheers] 

  The Pirate King : We haven't finished yet! Shh!

  [Strikes his pose again] 

  The Pirate King : "Away!"

• Frederic : Oh, it breaks my heart to betray the honored father of the girl that I adore!

  The Pirate King , Ruth : Awwww.

  The Pirate King : Break it.

  Ruth : Yes.

  Frederic : And yet, as one of your band, I have no alternative!

  The Pirate King : No, no, no, no.

  Frederic : It is my duty to tell you that General Stanley...

  The Pirate King , Ruth : Yes?

  Frederic : Is...

  The Pirate King , Ruth : Is...

  Frederic : No...

  The Pirate King , Ruth : No...

  Frederic : [sighs]  General Stanley...

  The Pirate King , Ruth : Yes?

  Frederic : Is...

  The Pirate King , Ruth : Is...

  Frederic : No...

  The Pirate King , Ruth : No...

  Frederic : Oooorrr...

  The Pirate King , Ruth : Oooorrrghhh...

  [They clap Frederic on the back] 

  Frederic : Orphan!

  The Pirate King , Ruth : WHAT?

  The Pirate King : Well, it's better than being an "Oooorrrghhh."

• The Pirate King : [after "I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Major-General"]  Very, very good.

  Major-General Stanley : Thank you very much.

  The Pirate King : Umbrella balancing on the chin... We like the medals too, don't we?

  [Pirates nod] 

  Major-General Stanley : Yes, I got those on the frontier.

  The Pirate King : Oh, really?

  Major-General Stanley : Yes, I had two on the back here, but they fell off.

  The Pirate King : Oh, well, never mind. Do some more, will you?

  Major-General Stanley : "More"? Silly man, there isn't any more.

  The Pirate King : No, no, no! We want some more! Make something up!

  [Turns to the Conductor] 

  The Pirate King : Both of you!

  Major-General Stanley : Don't be ridiculous!

  [the Pirates point their swords at him] 

  Major-General Stanley : Oh! Steady on, steady on! Feisty fellow...

  [to Conductor] 

  Major-General Stanley : Something... ridiculous... for the fellow in the purple pants.

  Conductor : What tempo would you like it, sir?

  Major-General Stanley : Tempo?

  Conductor : Yes.

  Major-General Stanley : I think we better do it quickly.

  Conductor : Could we have that in Italian, please?

  Major-General Stanley : Italian?

  Conductor : Yes.

  Major-General Stanley : Espresso cappuccino.

  [Music starts again] 

• [Pirates still trying to catch their breath after "With Catlike Tread"] 

  Frederic : Hush, hush... Not a... word... I see a light inside.

  The Pirate King : [Silence. Frederic nudges the Pirate King]  Yeah... the light's... great...

• [Frederic has told the Pirate King and Ruth that Major-General Stanley is not an orphan as he claimed] 

  Frederic : And more than that: he never was one.

  The Pirate King : Hold that

  [hands Frederic his sword, then faints. Gets up again] 

  The Pirate King : Frederic, am I to understand...

  [pauses to clutch his head] 

  The Pirate King : ... ouch... that in order to save his contemptible life,

  [takes his sword back from Frederic and threatens him with it] 

  The Pirate King : he dared to practice an incredulous simplicity?

  [Frederic squeaks an affirmative answer] 

  The Pirate King : Then our revenge shall be swift, end...

  Frederic : "Kind"!

  The Pirate King : No, no, no, no!

  Frederic : "Merciful"!

  The Pirate King : No, no, no! Swift and... you know... abominable!

  [Members of the orchestra hold up score cards all reading "10"] 

  Frederic : Oh, well done!

• The Pirate King : You were apprenticed to us until you reached your twenty-first...

  [clears throat and unrolls a paper] 

  The Pirate King : "Dear Pirate King, I love your purple pants. Meet me later at the..."

  Ruth : No! That's the wrong one!

  [She trades papers with him. He grabs the love letter back from her and hides it in his shirt] 

  The Pirate King : You were apprenticed to us "until you reached your twenty-first birthday."