Alan Bennett: Mole

The Wind in the Willows

Mole

Rat: [Ratty and Moley are both lost in the woods when Mole trips over a boot-scraper, then Ratty finds a doormat] Well? Doesn't that tell you something?
Mole: [Walking away grumpily] Doormats tell one nothing. Doormats know their place.

Grandmother: [narrating; scene show Mole in his home, whitewashing his ceiling] Mole had been working very hard all morning, spring cleaning his little home, to the point where he had dust in his throat, and whitewash in his black fur.
Mole: [some of the white wash from his brush drips into his eye;incomprehensible] Bother!
Grandmother: Spring was moving in the air above and below and around him, penetrating even his dark and lonely little place. It was a small wonder, when, suddenly...
Mole: [fed up] Oh bother! D'oh!
[as he throws his whitewash brush down in a fit of frustration]
Mole: Oh, *BLOW*!
Mole: [taking off his apron] *HANG" spring-cleaning.

[Mr. Toad has given up his obsession with gypsy caravans and began a whole brand new obsession for motor cars in short order; after a near head on collision with a speeding motorcar]
Mole: What are we to do with him?
Rat: [takes out his pipe; curtly and through his teeth, while smoking his pipe] Nothing...
Rat: *AT* ALL!
Toad: [imitating a motorcar] Phoot!