Greg Wayne credited as playing...
Hubs
- Kit: [about to tell his story] All right, first, let me just start by saying I didn't make any of this up, all right? It's completely true. And... It all happened right here-- right up at that old hotel, right up there.
- Brady Turner: That's a surprise.
- Kit: See the guy who built it was this guy by the name of Harlan Clemens.
- Brady Turner: Oh.
- Claire: Harlan Clemens? Wait a minute. Isn't that Mark Twain's real name or something?
- Kit: No, no. See, the imported this massive crocodile, a flat dog.
- Brady Turner: Ok, you're losing me here.
- Kit: Well, that's what the Africans call the Nile crocodile. Anyway, the croc was supposedly a descendant of the ones the pharaohs rode in the battle.
- Sunny: Giddyap, little gator.
- Kit: Shut up, all right? Shut up. My point is, this guy Harlan set up a shrine for this monster. I mean, he practically started a cult. He thought that he could use this beast to harness the powers of the ancient Egyptian crocodile god Sobek.
- Hubs: Lick my hairy right 'nad.
- Kit: So... Listen so the townspeople are about to run Harlan out of town because of his unchristian ways. Then something miraculous happened. The monster laid eggs. Who knows how she got pregnant?
- Foster: Aw, can we just fast forward to the flying guts and assholes or something?
- Hubs: You are wading through a lot of bullshit.
- Kit: Look no, guys, look, it's true, man. My grandmother raised me on this story, all right? It happened when she was a little girl. So Harlan takes the eggs and put them on display in the hotel lobby. But, then, one day, his 8 year old son got mad he took a croquet mallet to them and smashed them all. And all they ever found of him after that was his hand.
- Hubs: Now every now and then, the croc comes back to the hotel, any feast on little 8-year-olds playing croquet. Good story, dude. Good story.
- Kit: Don't laugh, man. It's true.
- Sunny: [pouring shots of liquor] we're doing shots every time Kit says, "it's true."
- Kit: Listen, I don't care if you guys think this is funny or not, but, you know, they say that every once in awhile she'll come up to the hotel still looking for her eggs. In fact, about 10 years ago, some kids disappeared from this very place.
- Brady Turner: Right here?
- Kit: I imagine they were sitting around the fire just like us, but they just kept hearing things. You know? And the creature just came out of the shadows with its yellow eyes and it's scaly skin all covered with barnacles with those eyes that just that just paralyze you, you know? You can't move. And then you just sit there waiting for the inevitable that horrible fate awaiting you as it gets closer and closer and closer.
- [Duncan appears and scares everyone]
- Sheriff Bowman: Hey. You all could help me by showing me a little I.D.
- Hubs: There you go.
- Sheriff Bowman: Now, look, kids. I know why you're here. Party time. Heck, I used to do that myself.
- Duncan McKay: Amazing you found the time, what with all the pig shows and tractor pulls and such.
- Sheriff Bowman: [takes off his sunglasses] Son... Do you want to spend your vacation looking at the lake through a set of bars?
- Duncan McKay: No, sir.
- Sheriff Bowman: I didn't think so. Now, you all make sure that whoever is driving your rig is sober, you got me? Last year, some bozo came through here, went jet skiing after a kegger ran right into a boat. There wasn't much left of him, but my men were able to scrape enough of him off the propeller to know that he had a B.A.C. of 0.25.
- Brady Turner: We'll be careful, sir.
- Sheriff Bowman: Good. Now, spring break is vacation for you kids. For me? That's my busy season, so you try to keep that in mind.
- Hubs: Yes sir.
- Duncan McKay: You got it. Well, then...
- Annabelle: [princess is barking at the sheriff] Princess, don't bother the nice sheriff.
- Sheriff Bowman: You better get that fluff ball on a leash.
- Annabelle: [walking away] We don't like that man, do we? No, no.
- Duncan McKay: [picks up egg] Yo, check this out, man. Talk about getting laid.
- Foster: Yeah, that's like from an ostrich or something.
- Hubs: Or a beaver.
- Brady Turner: Hey, hey, you guys, you guys. You guys should leave those things alone, all right?
- Duncan McKay: Uh, yeah. Who brought dad along?
- Brady Turner: Hey, Duncan, there's a living creature inside of there, all right. Grow up.
- Duncan McKay: Yo, check out this creature.
- [Puts the egg into his pants]
- Kit: Elephantiasis of the nuts.
- Hubs: Is that an egg in your shorts or are you just happy to see me?
- [He drops the egg that he was holding]
- Brady Turner: You guys are idiots seriously.
- Kit: Not cool.
- Duncan McKay: What, I'm not your type?
- Foster: Be a big boy Duncan.
- Annabelle: Where's Princess?
- Kit: Will you just let her be a dog?Will you just let her be a dog?
- Annabelle: Kit, she could drown .
- Duncan McKay: Yo, Sunny.
- Sunny: Hmmm.
- Duncan McKay: [tosses her the egg] That was in my crotch.
- Sunny: [give him back the egg] You're such an asshole.
- Claire: [as Duncan and Hubs toss the egg back and forth] you know, I can't believe you two. For all you know, that could be an endangered species. that could be an endangered species.
- Duncan McKay: You know, Claire, the egg is a symbol of fertility. Perhaps you find that threatening.