Psycho Beach Party (2000)
Charles Busch: Captain Monica Stark
Photos
Quotes
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Provoloney : Why you picking on us? We didn't do nothin' wrong.
Captain Monica Stark : Because I don't like you. Don't like the way ya talk. I don't like the way ya walk. Don't like ya haircut. You kids think ya own this beach- think it's a teenage world. Well, you're dead wrong!
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Captain Monica Stark : Ms. Barnes, why am I feeling a sense of deja vu?
Bettina Barnes : I have a breath mint in my purse, sweetie - will that help?
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Captain Monica Stark : Strange that the victim had only one testicle stuffed in his mouth. I believe they usually come in pairs.
Cookie : Well, that's cuz he only had one. I checked. Plenty of meat, only one potato.
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Captain Monica Stark : Frankly, Dr. Edwards, in the past, I've had little use for you headshrinkers, inkblot tests, "I hate my mother" and all that crap. But with this case, I find myself at a loss. I understand you specialize in the treatment of homicidal maniacs.
Dr. Edwards : Yes, well, I've never been involved in a criminal investigation.
Captain Monica Stark : Hmm. Don't worry. You can leave the cops and robbers stuff to me. What I need from you is this: what kind of sicko am I looking for?
Dr. Edwards : The perpetrator preys upon vulnerable unfortunates the killers deems somehow flawed.
Captain Monica Stark : Give me a profile.
Dr. Edwards : Let's say the assailant is highly sophisticated, yet childlike. Vulnerable but canny.
[a photo of Chicklet flies in Monica's head]
Dr. Edwards : Capable of both tenderness and extreme brutality.
[then, a photo of Kanaka]
Dr. Edwards : The murderer is highly intelligent, yet strangely out of touch with reality.
[then a photo of Mrs. Forrest]
Dr. Edwards : Sexual, yet surprisingly innocent.
[then, a photo of Bettina Barnes]
Dr. Edwards : This individual has an insatiable craving for normalcy, which will make your investigation all the more difficult.
Captain Monica Stark : How so?
Dr. Edwards : Because the killer will do everything in his power to pass as normal.
[finally, a question mark]
Dr. Edwards : He or she could be anyone.
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Captain Monica Stark : Well, here we are at another murder. I'd rather we met for minature golf.
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Captain Monica Stark : Mrs. Forrest, what were you doing at 9 PM last night?
Mrs. Forrest : What any woman should be doing at 9 PM. Needlepoint!