Harley Cross credited as playing...
Dawson
- Martina: All right, listen. There are certain rules that you have to follow in a parody situation if you want to survive. Rule number one: exaggerate everything. Number 88: accept the ridiculous as logical.
- [flash to Boner getting down with a girl]
- Martina: Sexual sight gags, always funny.
- [Boner making sex noises while pulling out a splinter]
- Martina: And along with wacky sound effects...
- [Boner unzipping his pants with a "boing!" sound]
- Martina: And unlimited absurdity.
- [Killer frightens Boner into a heart attack with a chainsaw]
- Martina: Remember: nothing is sacred.
- [cross falls onto bed]
- Dawson: You're forgetting, point out the obvious.
- [holds up a "dead man" sign pointing to Slab]
- Martina: And finally, perpetually painful stereotypes.
- Pimp: Dat's ridikkulous!
- Doughy: Whereas Hardy enjoys a minuet, ballet ruse and crepes suzette.
- Hardy: Doughy likes to rock n roll, a hot dog makes him lose control.
- Hagitha: What a wild duet.
- Martina: Still they're cousins.
- Dawson: Identical cousins.
- Martina: They laugh alike.
- Dawson: They walk alike.
- Martina: At times they even talk alike.
- Hagitha: And you can lose your mind.
- Dawson: You know what we've gotta do? We've gotta get out of here!
- Boner: To someplace safe.
- Martina: Yeah, in the middle of nowhere.
- Slab: In the dark woods and pouring rain.
- Dawson: Without any adult supervision or police protection anywhere in the vicinity.
- Barbara: I know just the place! It's been totally deserted ever since those dorky kids were dismembered.
- Boner: Are you talking about band camp?
- Martina: [Dawson and Martina hear a crash in the kitchen and rush in to find the cat next to a pile of overturned dishes] Lamegag, you scared the crap out of us.
- Dawson: [Lamegag meows] What is it, boy?
- Dawson: [Lamegag growls] I'm sorry. What is it, girl?
- Dawson: [meow] Slab's in trouble?
- Dawson: [meow] Steroids? In the bathroom?
- Dawson: [meow] Burt Reynolds wears a rug? O.J. was framed?
- Dawson: [meow meow] Khakis aren't cool anymore? Well, I have to disagree with you there.
- [meow]