Allan Arbus credited as playing...
Maj. Sidney Freedman
- Dr. Sidney Freedman: You know, I told you people something a long time ago, and it's just as pertinent today as it was then. Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice - pull down your pants and slide on the ice.
- [Hawkeye was telling Dr. Sidney Freedman about what he initially thought was a chicken clucking inside the bus]
- Dr. Sidney Freedman: Then what happened?
- Hawkeye: Then I went back toward the front of the bus.
- Dr. Sidney Freedman: And what happened next?
- Hawkeye: There's something wrong with it. It stopped making noise. It just--just stopped.
- [pauses]
- Hawkeye: She-she killed it! She killed it!
- Dr. Sidney Freedman: She killed the chicken?
- Hawkeye: Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I didn't mean for her to kill it.
- [sobbing]
- Hawkeye: I did not--I--I just wanted it to be quiet. It was--it was a baby! She, she smothered her own baby.
- [pauses]
- Hawkeye: You son of a bitch, why did you make me remember that?
- Dr. Sidney Freedman: You had to get it out in the open. Now we're halfway home.
- [there was an Armed Forces Radio broadcast about the war possibly ending very soon]
- Hawkeye: [in the psychiatric ward] Thank you, Dr. Freedman, I won't require your services anymore.
- Dr. Sidney Freedman: Where are you headed, soldier?
- Hawkeye: The war is coming to an end. Everybody's on stage for the finale. If you don't mind, I'd like to exchange my straitjacket for something in a 39 normal. So if you'll call me a taxi, I'll be on my way.
- Dr. Sidney Freedman: So hard to find a cab in this part of the war. Besides, I don't think you're quite ready to leave.
- Dr. Sidney Freedman: Ladies and Gentlemen, take my advice. Pull down your pants, and slide on the ice.
- Dr. Sidney Freedman: B.J.!
- B.J.: Hey, Sid, get your red-hot hot dogs.
- Col. Potter: Folks, can I have you attention? I need Captain Hunnicutt. Would the hot dog man please get his buns over here?
- Dr. Sidney Freedman: Yesterday, you were going to tell me about that day at the beach.
- Hawkeye: It was great, very hot. A lot of people say too much sun is no good for you. And you know, carcinomas can result from that. You know, this of course would concern me as a physician.
- Dr. Sidney Freedman: I'd like to get back to the beach.
- Hawkeye: Hey, go ahead, take the rest of the day off.
- [Hawkeye gets a phone call in the psychiatric ward]
- Dr. Sidney Freedman: Good time as any for a break.
- Hawkeye: Yeah, let's knock off till Christmas.
- Dr. Sidney Freedman: Ladies and gentlemen, take may advice: Pull down your pants and slide on the ice.