- Jughead Jones: Why do houses burn down but paper burns up? If "he" is a "him", why isn't "she" a "shim"?
- Archie Andrews: You sat in front of that television for 12 hours?
- Jughead Jones: That's why they call it a marathon.
- Archie Andrews: No, that's why they call it the boob tube!
- Reggie Mantle: Great. I finally meet a girl who likes me, and it turns out she's the teacher who made me retake geography in summer school.
- Archie Andrews: One of us should get the girls to the car, while the other distracts the monster.
- Jughead Jones: Good plan. See ya.
- Archie Andrews: Wait! Aren't you going to volunteer to stay behind?
- Jughead Jones: Sorry, I'm allergic to fur and having my legs ripped off.
- Archie Andrews: Reggie, why do you have to always point up everyone's mistakes?
- Reggie Mantle: Because I'm better than everyone.
- Reggie Mantle: [Reggie is a vampire - points to teeth] Sharp as ever!
- Betty Cooper: Unlike your brain, which is as dull as ever.
- Reggie Mantle: Hey, Pop, speed it up! I'm burning daylight here. I've got people to go, and places to meet!