David Suchet credited as playing...
Hercule Poirot
- Captain Hastings: [dressed as the Scarlet Pimpernel] I still don't think they'll let you in; I thought I made it clear the Victory Ball is a costume do.
- Hercule Poirot: Hercule Poirot does not wear costumes.
- Captain Hastings: Everybody does. The whole idea is to go as someone famous.
- Hercule Poirot: Precisely.
- Captain Hastings: Oh. I see.
- [first lines]
- Hercule Poirot: [voiceover] The Harlequinade, ancestor of the English pantomime. Six characters. Garish, grotesque. First brought to life three centuries ago by the clowns and the actors of the Italian fairgrounds. Today, mere costumed characters at a masked ball. Where now their mystery, their magic, their comedy, their tragedy?
- [last lines]
- James Ackerley: I'm honoured that you took up my invitation. I'm sure it was a most enlightening experience for our listeners.
- Hercule Poirot: Thank you.
- Receptionist: Mr Ackerley! They've been trying to find you. The switchboard's been flooded with callers.
- Hercule Poirot: Ah...
- Receptionist: Complaining about the dreadful accent. Lowering the standard of spoken English. All that sort of thing.
- James Ackerley: Oh.
- Receptionist: Sir John Reith's waiting to see you in his office.
- James Ackerley: So sorry. Messieurs.
- Chief Inspector Japp: Don't take it too hard, Poirot.
- Hercule Poirot: Indeed no. I am not at all surprised.
- Captain Hastings: You're not?
- Hercule Poirot: No. Chief Inspector, you really ought to look to your elocution.
- Chief Inspector Japp: So help me, there's nothing wrong with my lingo!
- Hercule Poirot: You see, that is exactly the kind of expression like "'alf a mo" that brings the language into disrepute. Come, Hastings. I shall lend to the Chief Inspector my personal copy of 'The English as She Should be Spoken'.
- [exits the building]
- Hercule Poirot: Taxi!
- James Ackerley: Are you sure I can't persuade you to recount some of your juicier cases on the radio?
- Hercule Poirot: Alas, no. You see murder, a real murder, is not an entertainment. Look at this place: people dance, they laugh. But anywhere there may be evil beneath the mask.
- Receptionist: [reading card] "Hercu-lees Pwoy-rot." I'm afraid the variety auditions are on Tuesdays.
- Hercule Poirot: That is fortunate. I am here on the matter of murder, Madame.
- Receptionist: You're the detective from the newspapers!
- Hercule Poirot: Correct.
- Receptionist: Don't suppose you'll want to miss a second one.
- Hercule Poirot: [finding powder] Such foolishness! Young people must realize that life is not to be gambled with like the roulette wheel! This is nothing less than poison.
- Chief Inspector Japp: [tastes] Cocaine.
- Hercule Poirot: And still you protect him. Even though you later discovered that he was implicating you, his own wife, in the crime!
- Mrs Mallaby: [stepping out of a taxi] Mr Poirot!
- Hercule Poirot: Ah, Madame Mallaby!
- Mrs Mallaby: Captain Hastings, we meet again. I wonder, could you...
- [passing a pile of hat boxes]
- Captain Hastings: Of course.
- Mrs Mallaby: Oh, I couldn't decide on my outer look. Anyway, Eustace can afford it. He is Viscount Cronshaw now.
- Taxi Driver: One and six quid.
- Captain Hastings: Oh.
- [reaching his pocket]
- Mrs Mallaby: To what do we owe this delegation?
- Captain Hastings: Well, Mr Poirot has taken into his head to see these famous figurines.
- Mrs Mallaby: Oh.
- Hercule Poirot: A foolish whim.
- Mrs Mallaby: Is His Highness at home, Samuelson?
- Butler: Yes, His Lordship is in the morning room, madam.
- Mrs Mallaby: Thank you. This way, gang.