Rat Race (2001)
Breckin Meyer: Nick Schaffer
Photos
Quotes
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[a hotel clerk hands Nick Schaffer his bill]
Nick Schaffer : Excuse me, uh, what's this $110?
Hotel Clerk : Uh, those are your in-room movies.
Nick Schaffer : No, I didn't watch any movies.
Hotel Clerk : Okay, let's see... Afro Whores.
Nick Schaffer : Afro Whores?
Hotel Clerk : You watched it... let's see... uh, 11 times.
Nick Schaffer : No, no-no-no-no, wait...
Hotel Clerk : Afro Whores, 2:30. Afro Whores, 4 o'clock. Afro Whores, 5:30. It says in the morning you watched The Grinch for ten minutes and then switched back over to Afro Whores.
Nick Schaffer : I-I swear I didn't watch it. Okay? I was at a bachelor party. There were 35 people there. You can ask any of them. But you--you have to take that off my record.
Hotel Clerk : This is not a record, sir.
Nick Schaffer : I... You have to delete it.
Hotel Clerk : Okay, fine. How many times *did* you watch it?
Nick Schaffer : None! I didn't watch it!
Hotel Clerk : Are you sure? "Sizzling, three-way, backdoor action featuring two sexy soul sisters..."
Nick Schaffer : [screaming] No! I don't need to know what it's about! I did not watch it!
[hotel clerk raises her eyebrows]
Nick Schaffer : I didn't.
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Nick Schaffer : My grandfather used to say that good things take time, but great things happen all at once.
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Mechanic : [after making some repairs on Tracey's truck] There, it's done, but I still do't think she's gonna hold.
Nick Schaffer : About how much we owe you?
Mechanic : [shrugs] 500 bucks.
Tracy Faucet : For what? For 2 quarts and sealant? No, that's 20 bucks, tops. Here's 40 dollars, that's double what it's worth.
[hands the mechanic 40 dollars and turns to leave]
Mechanic : [pulls a gun from, his belt] Hold it! Another little tool no mechanic should be without!
Nick Schaffer : Fine, here's your money...
[gives him the money]
Nick Schaffer : But let me tell you something, Billy Ray. What goes around comes around.
Tracy Faucet : This is so un-... Christian!
Mechanic : Un-Christian? HA! Well, if the good Lord doesn't like the way I conduct business, let him say something! Let him gimme a sign.
[looks up and puts a hand to his ear]
Mechanic : Oh Lord, I'm here, and I'm listening! Helloooooo?
[Vera and Merrill drive past in the rocket car, and the mechanic's gas station collapses]
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Tracy Faucet : [to Shawn] I'll ram this helicopter down your throat!
Nick Schaffer : No! Woah! What are you doing?
Tracy Faucet : Don't worry about me, my father's a Navy pilot! I've been flying since I was 15!
Nick Schaffer : No, I'm not worried about you, I'm worried about me!
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Nick Schaffer : I think we just killed him!
Tracy Faucet : You can't kill him, he's like a cockroach!
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Tracy Faucet : So what's wrong with her?
Nick Schaffer : Who?
Tracy Faucet : Your sister. You said it was serious.
Nick Schaffer : Oh yeah... shark bite.
Tracy Faucet : Shark bite?
Nick Schaffer : Yeah.
Tracy Faucet : And they took her to Silver City?
Nick Schaffer : Yeah, they have a really good shark attack unit there.
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[Tracy gives Nick a can of paint while she's throwing debris on her cheating boyfriend's car]
Tracy Faucet : C'mon, open it!
Nick Schaffer : You know, Tracy, I really don't feel comfortable...
Tracy Faucet : [yelling] OPEN IT!
Nick Schaffer : [nervously] Okay.
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[Shawn crashes the truck]
Nick Schaffer : I think we just killed him.
Tracy Faucet : You can't kill him, he's like a cockroach!
[the "Engine Out" alarm starts sounding]
Tracy Faucet : Uh... uh-oh...
Nick Schaffer : No, no, no! No uh-oh! Fix the uh-oh! Ah! Should we be this low?
[yells]
Nick Schaffer : [helicopter crashes]
Tracy Faucet : Come on. Come on. Let's keep goin'. come on.
[the engine sputters]
Tracy Faucet : [a police car with its siren wailing heads towards their direction] We just violated about 115 federal laws.
Nick Schaffer : [yells] WE?
Tracy Faucet : I'm getting out of here. Are you coming?
Nick Schaffer : No. No, no-no. I know things look bad...
Tracy Faucet : [kisses Nick] Nice meeting you!
Tracy Faucet : [Walks over to truck] Get out of the truck, Shawn!
Shawn Kent : That's it, Tracy, you and I are through!
Tracy Faucet : [punches Shawn]
Nick Schaffer : Tracy! Wait! Tracy!
[runs to truck and gets in]
Nick Schaffer : This is the first illegal thing I've done in my adult life.
Tracy Faucet : How does it feel?
Nick Schaffer : I'm shaking. But that could be from the helicopter crash.
Shawn Kent : Get out of my truck, Tracy!
Tracy Faucet : It's my truck, Shawn, *I* paid for it!
Shawn Kent : [looks at Nick] And who is this?
Nick Schaffer : Oh, I'm nobody.
Shawn Kent : Yeah, you are nobody.
Nick Schaffer : Yeah... nobody.
Shawn Kent : You stay away from her, nobody, unless you're tired of living! You know what I'm saying!
Tracy Faucet : [rolls up the window, choking Shawn]
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[first lines]
Nick Schaffer : Hi. I'm checking out 14322.
