Josh Lucas credited as playing...
Jake
- Jake: [not recognizing Melanie in her sunglasses] Can I help you?
- Melanie Carmichael: Well, for starters, you can get your stubborn ass down here and give me a divorce.
- Jake: You're shittin' me, right?
- Melanie Carmichael: I never fully understood that expression, but no, I am not "shitting" you.
- Jake: You show up here, after seven years, without so much as a "Hey there, Jake, remember me... your wife!" Or a, "Hi honey, lookin' good. How's the family?"
- Melanie Carmichael: You expect me to tell you look good? What, did they run out of soap at the Piggly Wiggly since I left?
- Melanie Carmichael: Hi honey! Looking good! How's the family?
- Jake: Cut the shit! Where's my stuff?
- Melanie Carmichael: Now what kind of wife would I be if I didn't pick up after my husband?
- Jake: The kind that don't live here! Now I'm gonna ask you one last time, where is the hide-a-key?
- Melanie Carmichael: I had the sweetest talk with Wade's mama about her tractor.
- Jake: Nice to see you got your accent back.
- Melanie Carmichael: Oh, I stubbled across a few things today.
- Jake: Holy shit, what happened to the stove? Oh and where are them little magnets I had over here huh? What the hell is this? Chick food?
- Melanie Carmichael: Light beer. Less calories. I tried to pick out a new bed but have you been to the Sit and Sleep lately? Yuck. I suppose I'll just have to order something from New York.
- Jake: Whatever blows your dress up darlin'. You go right ahead and spend your money.
- Melanie Carmichael: Oh but darlin', I thought you said we should think of it as our money? Just a guess, but I'm thinking the words "joint checking" are flashing into your head right now?
- Jake: How much did you take?
- Melanie Carmichael: All of it!
- Jake: Son of a bitch!
- Wade: [breaking up Melanie and Jake's kiss in the rain] What the hell are you two tryin' to do... get yourselves killed?
- Melanie Carmichael: What seems to be the trouble, officer?
- Wade: I'm here to bring you in, young lady!
- Jake: What did she do this time?
- Wade: Well, the way I hear it... seems she run out on a perfectly good cake!
- Jake: The only reason I ain't signing is cause you've turned into some hoity-toity Yankee bitch, and I'd like nothing better right now than to piss you off.
- Jake: [after looking at divorce papers] I better have my lawyer take a look at these. I'm just a simple country boy. There's all kinds of big words in here I can't even pronounce. Hell, you might be takin' me to the cleaners for all I know.
- Jake: Anybody think of anything in here that, uh, might bother Bobby Ray?
- Wade: Uh, Clinton's breath.
- Jake: You still the same Bobby Ray from last night?
- Bobby Ray: Last time I checked, yeah.
- Jake: [puts arm on shoulder] Well, then, let me buy you a drink.
- Bobby Ray: Well, you're really not my type, I mean...
- [laughter]
- Jake: C'mon, I wanna show you something.
- Melanie Carmichael: I can't.
- Jake: Can't? Or won't?
- Melanie Carmichael: Both.
- Jake: The girl I knew used to be fearless.
- Melanie Carmichael: The girl you knew didn't have a life.
- Jake: Guess you better get on with it then.
- Melanie Carmichael: And don't even pretend like you missed me.
- Jake: Oh, I missed you all right, but at this range, my aim is bound to improve.
- Melanie Carmichael: [gets up to leave] Jake, I can't do this.
- Jake: [grabs her arm so she faces him] I know.
- [they kiss]
- Jake: [eventually pulling away] Go home, Mel.
- Wade: The law is the law and she has done nothing wrong.
- Jake: I supposed shoplifting steaks from Winn Dixie's okay?
- Melanie Carmichael: Oh, Oh! I took 'em back and you know it!
- Jake: What about that incident of vandalism in the stockyard... totally her!
- Melanie Carmichael: Like I could tip a cow... by myself!
- Jake: Wade, isn't there some outstanding warrant for whoever drove your mama's tractor into the fishing pond?
- Melanie Carmichael: [horrified realizing what he meant] OH!
- Jake: [seeing Andrew walking up to the Carmichael house where Bobby Ray is currently at] You, uh, you here to see Bobby Ray?