- [Nellie has inspected nude statues at the art gallery]
- Nellie Pledge: Ooooh, these sculpturers! They don't know when to stop chiselling, do they?
- Eli Pledge: I suppose that statue is what you call a Greek god.
- Nellie Pledge: Well, I don't know if he were Greek, but he were a big lad.
- Eli Pledge: Well, what's worrying you then?
- Nellie Pledge: Well, I'm going to get married next week, aren't I? I don't want Vernon to be disappointed.
- Eli Pledge: If you're going by that statue in the art gallery it's you that's going to be bloody disappointed.
- Nellie Pledge: [Looks at Walter] Is he still a blood donor?
- Lily Tattersall: Now and again.
- Eli Pledge: It's about time he asked for some back.
- Nellie Pledge: You bow-legged brewers' boil!
- Eli Pledge: Who are you calling names, you knock-kneed knackered old nosebag?
- Nellie Pledge: You big fleas' armpit!
- [the Pledges survey their parents' grave]
- Nellie Pledge: There's room for us two in there, y'know. Are you coming in?
- Eli Pledge: I'm not going down there. When I die I'm donating my body to medical science.
- Nellie Pledge: Oh, that's very nice, isn't it? And what about on the day of adjudication when Gabriel sounds his horn - where will you be, eh? Scattered all over the infirmary in jam-jars. You'll be better off in there with us.
- Eli Pledge: [Eli sees Lily and Walter approaching] Hello, here they are - Burke and Hare.
- Nellie Pledge: Oh, you got here at last then, our Lily? You've only just missed him.
- [She regards Walter]
- Nellie Pledge: Oh - has he been?
- [Walter looks puzzled]
- Nellie Pledge: I think he's been.
- Lily Tattersall: Took him a right long time to find it.
- Eli Pledge: I'll bet it did.
- Nellie Pledge: I suppose you'd like to throw some soil at him, would you Walter?
- [Walter nods]
- Nellie Pledge: Alright then.
- [Walter grabs a handful of soil and throws it in Eli's face]
- Eli Pledge: Not me, cloghead!
- [Points into grave]
- Eli Pledge: Him!
- Lily Tattersall: He's been right looking forward to coming here today.
- Nellie Pledge: Yeah well, it'll be nice day out for him, won't it?
- Eli Pledge: By t'look of him, it's hardly worthwhile him going home.
- Eli Pledge: If I've been boozing, it's because I've been boozing to forget.
- Nellie Pledge: To forget what?
- Eli Pledge: I don't remember.
- Nellie Pledge: Is that money burning a hole in your pocket?
- Eli Pledge: That money you gave me wouldn't burn a hole in a string vest.
- [Nellie is worried about her honeymoon night]
- Nellie Pledge: Did me dad tell you?
- Eli Pledge: I did ask him once. I said to him, "Dad, I feel I'm growing up and I'd like to know where I come from."
- Nellie Pledge: And what did he say?
- Eli Pledge: He looked me up and down and he said "I keep asking myself the same bloody question." What did our mam tell you?
- Nellie Pledge: Nothing.
- Eli Pledge: Well, did you ever ask her?
- Nellie Pledge: Yes. She said she'd tell me after I'd turned 21.
- Eli Pledge: Well, what did she tell you when you turned 21?
- Nellie Pledge: Well, she said if I didn't know then I never bloody would know.
- Eli Pledge: After fifteen years you must be a bit knackered.
- Nellie Pledge: I am neither knackered, knockered or knickered - and any changes made here will be made over my dogsbody!
- Nellie Pledge: [Yawns] That sea air! I think I'll be going upstairs. This new living bra, I think it's gone to sleep on me chest; sticking to me sunburn.
- [In desperation, Vernon phones what he hopes will be his cash cow]
- Nellie Pledge: Hello, Pledge's Pickles speaking. This is Nellie Pickle - I mean, Nellie Pledge.
- Vernon Smallpiece: Hello Nellie. It's Vernon here.
- Nellie Pledge: [Excitedly] Oh! Have we come up on the pools?
- Vernon Smallpiece: No no no no - not Vernons, Vernon!
- [Nellie's wedding day has gone awry]
- Nellie Pledge: Well, at least I got something out of it.
- Eli Pledge: What?
- Nellie Pledge: A sideboard full of presents. If they want them back, well I mean - at least I'll have had 'em once.
- Eli Pledge: Hey - you've still got me.
- Nellie Pledge: Yeah, God help me. Well come on, let's collect that lot and let's get home and have the do.
- Eli Pledge: You're not still having the do?
- Nellie Pledge: We've got to have somebody to help us to eat all that boiled ham.
- [Stan reads the inscription on the urn for Nellie and Eli's parents]
- Stan Hardman: It says: "To Mum and Dad - united forever."
- Eli Pledge: Our dad'll not like that.
- Stan Hardman: Why not?
- Eli Pledge: He was a bloody City supporter.
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