Mike Epps credited as playing...
Day-Day • Old Man with Shotgun
- Day-Day: All I want is two fat bitches that smell like cheeeseburgers so Chico can lick on'em, and a two year supply of rolling paper.
- Damon: Craig and Day-Day.
- Day-Day: Ohh...
- Damon: Just the niggas I need to see.
- Craig Jones: Yo, yo... what's up O.G. Triple O.G... O.G. triple... triple O.G.?
- Day-Day: You got out last night?
- Damon: I haven't seen ya'll in about 12 years, nigga.
- Day-Day: I know, I was little...
- Damon: You're grown up now, though. Give a nigga a hug, dog.
- Day-Day: I'm about to go...
- [Craig grabs Day-Day and runs him into Damon]
- Damon: [Damnon grabs Day-Day] Yeah, man. It's cool, dog. It's cool. Come here. Yeah, right there.
- Damon: [Damon looks at Craig] Group hug, nigga!
- Day-Day: Come on, Craig!
- [Craig walks to Damon]
- Craig Jones: What's up, dog.
- Damon: What's up, nigga.
- Damon: It's good to be home. 'Cause in prison dog, hey... ain't nothing but the fellas, nigga.
- Day-Day: I heard.
- Craig Jones: [beaten up Moly walks in Barbeque restaurant] Daaaamn!
- Day-Day: [imitating Moly] Someone call 9-1-1
- Mr. Jones: Moly... you got knocked the fuck out!
- Moly: Oh, good observation, buddy.
- [looks to Craig and Day-Day]
- Moly: Where were you buddies, huh?
- Craig Jones: We was on our lunch break.
- Day-Day: Trying to get something to eat, so we can secure this nasty-ass lot.
- Moly: Good, good, good... you were eating while I was getting beating.
- Day-Day: Looks like somebody beat the bricks off your motherfucking ass.
- Moly: You are supposed to be a security guard, buddy, no?
- Day-Day: [pretending to be olivious] We are security, ain't that a bitch?
- Craig Jones: We are security guards.
- Craig Jones: [after Santa got hit by Pinky's limo] Should I tell him?
- Day-Day: Let's both tell him.
- Craig Jones, Day-Day: You got knocked da FUCK out!
- Craig Jones: Biatch!
- Day-Day: One of them said they was gonna suck my dick from the back. I'm tryin' to see what that be like!
- Day-Day: All want Santa Claus is two fat bitches and a bag of weed and two bag of chips to give to the fat bitches
- Officer Dix: For the second time, y'all got jacked by Santa Claus?
- Day-Day: Yeah.
- Officer Hole: Black guy, wasn't it?
- Day-Day: No, this was a nigga that did this.
- Old man w/ shotgun: Come on out there! I know you're in here!
- Old man w/ shotgun: Respect my gangster!
- Craig Jones: Tasha, how do we look?
- Tasha: Like a couple of rent-a-cops.
- Day-Day: What about them rented titties?
- Day-Day: [to a trio of elderly carolers] Y'all are trying to use the lord to sell pussy on this corner.
- Girl Driver: I ain't never heard no policy like that.
- Day-Day: Well you never met a top-flight security nigga like me.
- Day-Day: I can't even do the James Brown in these pants.
- Craig Jones: Good. I don't wanna see you do the James Brown.
- Day-Day: Man, we ain't never gonna get no pussy in these clothes.
- Uncle Elroy: Where your flashlight at? Rent-a-cops supposed to have flashlights. You gotta shine some damn body.
- Craig Jones: We supposed to get handcuffs, flashlights, taser guns.
- Day-Day: German shepherds.
- Uncle Elroy: Y'all must ain't heard what happened to the last security guards they had 'round here.
- Day-Day: Hey, I wanna ask you a question.
- Moly: Okay, what?
- Day-Day: When we get our guns?
- Moly: Oh, no, no guns. You are top-flight unarmed security guards.
- Craig Jones: What about walkie talkies?
- Day-Day: And some flashlights. In case we catch some girl giving up some head right in the back behind the trash cans, I could come back there with the flashlight and catch her.
- Moly: You guys are supposed to be big, tough guys. You don't need all these gidgets-gadgets, huh. All you need is this here.
- [hands them whistles]
- Moly: If there are any problems, you just blow. Toot-toot!
- Day-Day: [they blow their whistles; Craig is standing right next to Day-Day] Goddamn, Craig!