Stephen Colbert credited as playing...
Phil Ken Sebben • Myron Reducto • Additional Voices • Civilian #1 • Commentator #1 • FBI • Falcon 7 • Fed #2 • Janitor • Juror • Pirate • Reducto
- Phil Ken Sebben: Now get out of here! I have to go back to reading everyone's emails... over the P.A. system.
- Phil Ken Sebben: [reading employees' emails over the P.A. system] TO: Birdman, Harvey! FROM: Potamus, Peter! SUBJECT: That thing I sent you! BODY: You get that thing I sent you?
- Phil Ken Sebben: Everyone, it's take Phil's daughter to work day.
- Peanut: I, hereby volunteer to show her the interior of every supply closet...
- Phil Ken Sebben: While I consider myself to be a benevolent-ish dictator, I have no choice but to introduce a battery of oppressive security measures.
- [Phil is looking for the keys to his office]
- Phil Ken Sebben: Let's see: Gum wrapper, pocket lint, lighter... Ooo! Flamethrower! Ring of power, dunno what that is, roll of quarters... Wait, that's not a roll of... Ah! Here they are!
- [tries to unlock his office door]
- Phil Ken Sebben: Okay... All right... Here we go... Aaaand, opening. On one. Next time. Spatial relationships. Okie-doke! Come to papa! Male end, female end...
- Phil Ken Sebben: [humping Doggy Daddy] I'm the alpha male!
- [shouts]
- Phil Ken Sebben: I'm the alpha male!
- Phil Ken Sebben: I've seen things you people wouldn't believe.
- [points to left eye]
- Phil Ken Sebben: And from this side only! The flight of a half-man, half-bird. Dinosaurs nuzzling their young in pastures where strip malls should be. Cookies on dowels... All those moments, lost in time... like... eggs off a hooker's stomach. Time to die...
- [the duplicate Phil Ken Sebben is unceremoniously jammed into a woodchipper]