Richard Griffiths credited as playing...
Uncle Vernon
- [first lines; Hedwig wants to be let out of her cage]
- Harry Potter: I can't let you out, Hedwig. I'm not allowed magic outside of school.
- [Hedwig screeches loudly as she chews the lock]
- Harry Potter: Besides, if Uncle Vernon...
- Vernon Dursley: [from downstairs] Harry *Potter*!
- Harry Potter: Now you've done it.
- Uncle Vernon: [Dobby is banging on Harry's dresser upstairs; the Dursely's and the Masons can hear it] Oh, don't mind that, it's just the... cat.
- Uncle Vernon: I'm warning you. If you can't control that bloody bird, it'll have to go.
- Harry: But she's bored! If I could only let her out for an hour or two...
- Uncle Vernon: [chuckles] So you can send secret messages to your freaky little friends, no sir.
- Harry: I haven't had any messages... from any of my friends. Not one all summer.
- Dudley Dursley: Who'd want to be friends with you?
- [nudges Harry out of way]
- Uncle Vernon: I should think you'd be a little more grateful. We've raised you since you were a baby. We've given you the food at our table, you even have Dudley's second bedroom, clearly out of the goodness of our hands.
- Aunt Petunia Dursley: [as Dudley tries to steal some cake] Not now, Popkins! It's for when the Msons are on.
- Uncle Vernon: Which should be any minute!
- [gestures everyone towards him]
- Uncle Vernon: Now, let's go over our schedule once again, shall we? Petunia, when the Masons arrive, you will be-?
- Aunt Petunia Dursley: In the lounge, waiting to welcome them graciously to our home!
- Uncle Vernon: Good. And Dudley, you will be-?
- Dudley Dursley: [in an accent] I'll be waiting to open the door.
- Uncle Vernon: Excellent!
- [he, Aunt Petunia, and Dudley walk toward Harry]
- Uncle Vernon: And you?
- Harry: I'll be in my bedroom. Making no noise and pretending I don't exist.
- Uncle Vernon: Too right you are. This could well be the biggest day of my career. And you will not mess it up.
- Vernon Dursley: [drilling bars onto Harry's bedroom window] You're never going back to that school. You're never gonna see those freaky friends of yours again! *Never*!