James Caan credited as playing...
Walter Hobbs
- Walter: [Buddy had just caused Walter to lose a client] You get the hell out of here.
- Buddy: Where do you want me to go?
- Walter: [Getting Furious] I don't care where you go.
- [Furious]
- Walter: I don't care that you're an elf!
- [Furious]
- Walter: I don't care that you're nuts!
- [Really furious]
- Walter: I don't care that you're my son!
- [Livid]
- Walter: Get out of my life! Now!
- Miles Finch: [pitching ideas for a book] No tomatoes. Too vulnerable. Kids, they're already vulnerable.
- Walter: See, I told you guys. I told them the same thing...
- Miles Finch: And no farms. Everyone's pushing small town rural. A farm book would just be white noise.
- Fulton: Haven't seen you since the retreat. You're looking good.
- Walter: Oh, thank you very much. You as well. To what do I owe the, uh, pleasure?
- Fulton: Well, to be honest, I got a call from my niece. She wants to know how a certain puppy and a certain pigeon escape the clutches of a certain evil witch.
- [shows Walter his incomplete book]
- Walter: Believe me, uh, we're already looking for new printers. This one has obviously gotten a little sloppy.
- Fulton: Maybe it isn't the printer who's gotten sloppy.
- [shows Walter the template]
- Fulton: That's your signature, right?
- Walter: [unphased] You know, we could sit here and point fingers all day.
- Fulton: I've got news for you: even if those two pages were in there, the book still would have sucked. Have you seen the numbers for this quarter?
- Walter: Uh, they'll be here today.
- Fulton: Oh, they're in. That friggin' puppy and pigeon are tanking hard, Hobbs. My people estimate we're gonna post a minus eight for this quarter. A *minus eight*! That does not happen!
- Walter: You know, we'll... we'll bounce back, we...
- Fulton: No, no, no. We're gonna ship a new book the first quarter. I'm gonna be back in town on the 24th. At that time, I would love to hear, in exact detail, what your plans are for this new book.
- Walter: Uh, wait a minute, the, uh the 24th, that's Christmas eve.
- Fulton: And?
- Walter: And, uh... no problem. Be great to have you in the loop.
- Walter: So?
- Ben - Walter Hobbs' Doctor: It's a boy... Buddy's your son.
- Walter: That's very impossible. You--You saw that guy. He's--He's certifiably insane.
- Ben - Walter Hobbs' Doctor: He's probably just reverting to a state of childlike dependency.
- Walter: An elf?
- Ben - Walter Hobbs' Doctor: What he needs is to be nurtured.
- Walter: Oh, I see. So, um, uh... You'd like me to breastfeed him?
- Ben - Walter Hobbs' Doctor: Walter, just bring him home. Introduce him to Emily and Michael, and once he comes to terms with reality he should drop the whole elf thing and move on with his life. I mean, that's what I would do if I were you.