Stephen Tobolowsky credited as playing...
Mr. Bates
- Tess (in Anna's body): Mr. Bates, may I please speak with you?
- Mr. Bates: I think that would be fairly pointless, but go ahead.
- Tess (in Anna's body): By what stretch of the imagination... I mean, like, how could I, like, get an "F"? What mistakes did I make?
- Mr. Bates: Grading is subjective.
- Tess (in Anna's body): That was a college-level analysis.
- Mr. Bates: And you're qualified to make that assessment?
- Tess (in Anna's body): I most certainly am.
- Mr. Bates: Well in the words of Hamlet, "What's done is done".
- Tess (in Anna's body): That's "Macbeth" you know-nothing twit. Bates. Elton Bates. Griffith High School.
- Mr. Bates: How do you know that?
- Tess (in Anna's body): Well, you asked me, I mean, my mom to the prom, but she turned you down.
- Mr. Bates: This is not an appropriate subject.
- Tess (in Anna's body): You're taking it out on her daughter, aren't you?
- Mr. Bates: I don't know what you're talking about.
- Tess (in Anna's body): It was a high school dance. You've got to let it go and move on, man. And if you don't, I'm sure the school board would love to hear about your pathetic vendetta against an innocent student.
- Tess (in Anna's body): [Anna is about to leave the classroom and turns] Oh, and by the way, Elton, she had a boyfriend, and you were weird.
- Mr. Bates: [to a student] Mr. Waters, describe the character of Hamlet.
- Mr. Waters: Hamlet. He's, uh... he's one of the big characters. I mean, he's Hamlet. He's just... bopping around... doesn't know which way's up. I don't think the guy's got a clue.
- Mr. Bates: You mean to say that he is a man...
- Mr. Waters: Yeah.
- Mr. Bates: Who couldn't make up his... mind.
- Mr. Waters: ...mind. Exactly.
- Mr. Bates: Good. B.
- Anna: Mr. Bates, I really don't understand this "F".
- Mr. Bates: You completely missed the point of the book.
- Anna: It's "1984". How could anyone miss it? It's a blatant attack on totalitarianism. About a rigid society, dominated by one all-powerful, ego-tripping dictator.
- Mr. Bates: My grade is final.
- Anna: Except he had hair.
- Mr. Bates: Anna!