Kevin Heffernan credited as playing...
Lars
- Hank: When you're all done with your little pink panty meltdown, let me know... 'cause I'd like to get down to business.
- Coconut Pete: I thought it was time to bring in the pro.
- Sam, The Fun Police: Hank?
- Coconut Pete: Yes, Hank. The head of security on all my tours.
- Jenny: So, what? He keeps aging hippies from stealing the bong out of your tour bus?
- Coconut Pete: It just so happens that Hank used to be a federal agent. Yes, that's right. Headed an FBI task force on serial killers. Single-handedly caught the Minneapolis Mangler.
- Lars: Who's the Minneapolis Mangler?
- Hank: Exactly!
- Dave: Pete, you are aware that I've personally served this guy 20 beers a day for the last 10 years, right?
- Hank: [shows a nasty scar on his stomach] Hey, I was in Nicaragua, junior! When you can stuff your intestines back in your pockets and walk 20 klicks to an aid station after a knife fight with guerrilla drug lords, then you talk to me!
- Lars: [walks up behind Jenny, who is drinking some booze, and does a Tai-Chi move on her back] Hey, Jenny.
- Jenny: [by sheer reflex, her mouth opens, and the drink in her mouth slobbers down her front] Oh!
- Lars: Sorry.
- Jenny: Give me a heads-up before you do that.
- Lars: It's just a habit. I could see how tight you were from a mile away.
- [Lars starts to drink]
- Jenny: What can I say? Some girls are just tighter than others.
- Lars: [by sheer reflex at what she said, he accidentally sprays out his mouthful of booze in her face] Sorry.
- Lars: Back off, fun pig! You wanna fun-fucking-arrest me? You better get a fun-fucking-warrant! Otherwise, stay outta my... fun-fucking-face!
- [after putting one of his patented massage moves on the killer]
- Lars: He'll orgasm for another few minutes. Go!