Hugh Jackman credited as playing...
Van Helsing
- Carl: [while stocking Van Helsing's kit for the trip to Transylvania] I don't know. You could blind your enemies, char-broil a herd of chargind wildebeests - use your imagination.
- Van Helsing: No, I'm going to use yours - you're coming with me.
- Carl: Oh, to hell and be damned I am!
- Van Helsing: Carl, you just cursed! Not well mind you but you're a monk. You shouldn't curse at all.
- Carl: Actually I'm just a friar so I can curse all I want... dammit!
- Van Helsing: There's something down here, it's carnivorous. Whatever it is it appears to be... human. I'd say it's a size 17, about 360 pounds, 8 and a half to 9 feet tall and he has a bad gimp in his right leg and, ah, 3 copper teeth.
- Anna Valerious: How do you know he has copper teeth?
- Van Helsing: 'Cause he's standing right behind you.
- [shouts]
- Van Helsing: Move!
- Carl: Why does it smell like wet dog in here?
- Van Helsing: [running past him] Werewolf!
- Carl: Oh! You'll be needing silver bullets then.
- [he produces a box of bullets and throws them to Van Helsing, rather deftly]
- Van Helsing: Well done!
- Van Helsing: This thing... man... whatever it is... evil may have created it, left its mark on it... but evil does not rule it. So I cannot kill it.
- Carl: So you can remember everything about your life from the last seven years, but nothing before that?
- Van Helsing: Not now, Carl.
- Carl: There must be something?
- Van Helsing: [dead serious] I remember fighting the Romans at Masada.
- Carl: That was in 73 A.D.
- Van Helsing: You asked.
- Van Helsing: Now, Carl, whatever you do, don't stare at him.
- [he opens the coach door, revealing the Frankenstein Monster shackled into the seat, struggling and snarling]
- Carl: I'm staring at him.
- [quickly turns away]
- Carl: Is that a man?
- Van Helsing: Actually, it's seven men. Parts of them, anyway.
- Carl: Now, you won't turn into a werewolf until your first full moon. That's two days from now. So we have 48 hours to find a solution. But you'll still be able to fight Dracula's hold over you until the final stroke of midnight.
- Van Helsing: Sounds like I have nothing to worry about.
- Carl: Oh, my God, you should be terrified!
- Van Helsing: Thank you.
- Carl: Sorry.
- [after Van Helsing's first, failed attempt to kill Dracula]
- Anna Valerious: A silver stake? A crucifix? What, did you think we haven't tried everything before? We've shot him, stabbed him, clubbed him, sprayed him with holy water, staked him through the heart, and STILL he lives! Do you understand? No-one knows how to kill Dracula!
- Van Helsing: Well, I could have used that information a little earlier.
- Van Helsing: I have to pull the bolts off... this is going to hurt!
- Frankenstein's Monster: I am accustomed to pain!
- Van Helsing: It let's you know you're alive!
- Van Helsing: To have memories of those you have loved and lost is perhaps harder than to have no memories at all.
- Anna Valerious: We Transylvanians always look on the brighter side of death.
- Van Helsing: There's a brighter side of death?
- Anna Valerious: Of course. It's just harder to see.
- Frankenstein's Monster: You've been bitten. Bitten by a werewolf. Now you will become that which you have hunted so passionately.
- [Van Helsing takes out a tranquilizer blowgun]
- Van Helsing: I am sorry...
- Frankenstein's Monster: May others be as passionate in the hunting of you.
- Van Helsing: Bless me father for I have...
- Cardinal Jinette: Sinned! Yes, I know. You're very good at it. You shattered the Rose Window.
- Van Helsing: Well, not to split hairs, but it was Mr. Hyde who did the shattering.
- Cardinal Jinette: Thirteenth century. Over six hundred years old! I wish you a week in hell for that.
- Van Helsing: It would be a nice reprieve.
- Cardinal Jinette: Don't get me wrong. Your results are unquestionable, but your methods attract far too much attention. Wanted posters. We are not pleased.
- Van Helsing: Do you think I like being the most wanted man in Europe? Why don't you and the order do something about it?
- Cardinal Jinette: Because we do not exist.
- Van Helsing: Well then neither do I.
- Cardinal Jinette: When we found you crawling up the steps of this church, half dead, it was clear to all of us that you had been sent to do God's work.
- Van Helsing: Why can't He do it Himself?
- Count Vladislaus Dracula: You're too late, my friend! My children live!
- Van Helsing: Then the only way to kill them is to kill you.
- Count Vladislaus Dracula: Correct.
- Van Helsing: So be it.
- Carl: Here, take this.
- [he hands Van Helsing a bag, then begins to fill it]
- Carl: Rings of garlic... holy water... silver stake... crucifix...
- [they pass two monks test-firing a Gatling gun]
- Van Helsing: Why can't I have one of those?
- Carl: [about his invention] I know what it's for! I know what it's for!... Where are we going?
- Van Helsing, Anna Valerious: Through that window!
- Van Helsing: I missed you in London.
- Mr. Hyde: No, you bloody did not!
- [shows Van Helsing a bullet wound]
- Mr. Hyde: You got me good.
- Anna Valerious: What are these things?
- Van Helsing: I think they're Dracula's children.
- Anna Valerious: His children?
- Van Helsing: A man, with three gorgeous women, for four hundred years?