Anna Faris credited as playing...
Serena
- Serena: [to Monty] The only real pleasure I ever got from having sex with you came from making fun of it later with my friends. Tell him, Amy.
- Amy: It's true, we laughed a lot at your expense.
- Serena: So you know how when your walking past a group of people, you hear them laughing, you sometimes get that paranoid self-conscious feeling? Maybe they're laughing about you when they're really not? Well, in your case, they really are.
- [blows kiss and walks away; long pause]
- Monty: God, I love her.
- Serena: [talking to Monty] So... you know how when you're walking by a group of people, and you hear them laughing, you sometimes get that paranod, self- conscious feeling that maybe they're laughing about you, when they're really not? Well in your case, they really are.
- [blows kiss exasperatedly]
- Natasha: Dean.
- Dean: What?
- Natasha: The old lady at Table 37 wants you to sing the birthday song for her grandson. His name is Timmy, and he's eight years old.
- Dean: [tosses a cake with Happy Birthday onto the counter from the box] I need birthday singers!
- Monty: Come on, people! We need birthday singers!
- Naomi: Fuck.
- Dean: [the gang walk toward Table 37, clapping and cheering. Dean holds out the cake and brings it to the table, spotting Timmy] There he is. There's the big winner.
- [sets the cake onto the table where Timmy is]
- Monty: [excitedly] Yeah!
- Dean: All right. Attention, guests! Today's a very special occasion. It's Timmy's eighth birthday! Big round of applause.
- [the guests cheer and applaud]
- Dean: He's earned it. He's got his whole life ahead of him. The sky's the limit.
- Dean: [singing] I don't know but I've been told.
- Monty, Amy, Naomi, Serena, Calvin: [singing] Someone here is getting old!
- Dean: [singing, Timmy looks frightened] Good news is dessert is free.
- Monty, Amy, Naomi, Serena, Calvin: [singing] Bad news is we sing off-key!
- Dean: [singing] Happy birthday...
- Dean, Monty, Amy, Naomi, Serena, Calvin: [point to Timmy, in unison] TO YOU!
- [Timmy starts crying in embarrassment, the waiters applaud and cheer. One of them holds up Timmy's arm and waves it in the air]
- Natasha: Look at the camera!
- [holding a camera]
- Dean: Picture time.
- [the camera snaps and we're revealed the photograph of all the waiters and Timmy posed for the picture, Timmy still cries in the background as this happens]
- Dean: All right. All right. Cry it off.
- Serena: It's like, you plot and you scheme how to get the other person to look at your goat or chicken wing or whatever, and then when he looks, you call HIM a fag. It's like an exercise in retarded homophobic futility.