Brad Pitt credited as playing...
John Smith
- John Smith: [while driving, pursued by hit men in three black BMW'S] I never told you, but I was married once before.
- Jane Smith: [slams on the brakes]
- John Smith: What's wrong with you?
- Jane Smith: [slapping John's arms and legs] You're what's wrong with me John.
- John Smith: It was just a drunken Vegas thing.
- Jane Smith: Oh, that's better. That's *much* better.
- [pause]
- Jane Smith: What's her name and social security number?
- John Smith: No, you're not gonna kill her.
- [about the new curtains Jane bought]
- Jane Smith: If you don't like them we can take them back.
- John Smith: All right, I don't like them.
- Jane Smith: [pause] You'll get used to them.
- John Smith: [after he throws a butcher's knife at her and misses] Your aim's as bad as your cooking sweetheart... and that's saying something!
- [last lines]
- John Smith: [at marriage counseling] Ask us the sex question.
- Jane Smith: [whispers] John.
- John Smith: [excitingly, stretches out all ten fingers] Ten.
- John Smith: [takes her hand and starts walking towards the dance floor in a fancy restaurant] Dance with me.
- Jane Smith: You don't dance.
- John Smith: It was just my cover, sweetheart.
- Jane Smith: Was sloth your cover, too?
- Jane Smith: [after John hands her a small revolver] Wait, why do I get the girl gun?
- John Smith: Are you kidding me?
- Eddie: You gotta take this bitch out!
- John Smith: [while taking burned pieces of papers out of a portable furnace to look for clues] Don't tell me how to handle my wife.
- John Smith: [after throwing her across the dining room table and onto the floor, standing up behind her, welcoming her by gesturing with his fingers] Come to Daddy.
- Jane Smith: [she stands up bashes him with a teapot wrapped in a white cloth and headbutts him] Who's your Daddy now?
- John Smith: We have an unusual problem here, Jane. You obviously want me dead, and I'm less and less concerned for your well-being.
- Jane Smith: [driving a stolen minivan] My parents died when I was five. I'm an orphan.
- John Smith: Who was that kind fellow who gave you away at our wedding?
- Jane Smith: Paid actor.
- John Smith: I said, I said I saw your dad on "Fantasy Island"!
- [John has just returned from shooting Lucky at the bar]
- Jane Smith: Hey baby. I didn't hear you downstairs.
- John Smith: I went down to the sports bar. Put a little money on the game.
- Jane Smith: How'd you do?
- John Smith: I got "Lucky".
- John Smith: How many? Ok... I'll go first, then. I don't keep exact count, but I'd say, uh, high 50s, low 60s. I mean, I know I've been around the block an all, but...
- Jane Smith: 312.
- John Smith: What? How?
- Jane Smith: Some were two at a time.
- Jane Smith: [lying down in the hallway of their home] That vacation in Aspen, you left early, why?
- John Smith: Jean-Luc Gespar.
- Jane Smith: Damn, I wanted him.
- John Smith: I got it.
- John Smith: [after Jane accidentally throws a knife that punctures his leg] We'll talk about this later.
- John Smith: [just before running over an assassin with the minivan] These fuckers get younger every year.
- John Smith: [angry that Benjamin, tied to a chair, had blown their cover] You burn the picture after you get the assignment! It's the first thing you learn!
- Benjamin: [sarcastically] Oh, I must have missed that day. Just like you missed the one about not marrying the enemy.
- Jane Smith: [referring to the hit men in three black BMW'S pursuing them] They're bulletproof!
- John Smith: [having not heard the hit men in three black BMW'S pursuing them and shot three times at the three black BMW'S chasing them] They're bulletproof!
- John Smith: [after having accidentally shot at his wife, Mr. Smith is on the roof of her car while she's trying to throw him off] Come on, let's talk about this! You don't want to go to bed angry!