Tom Baker credited as playing...
Narrator
- Narrator: When people in Britain want to buy a pet, they go to a pet shop. If they want to buy a pet shop, they go to a pet shop shop. If they want to buy a pet shop shop, well, they're just being silly.
- Narrator: Britain, Britain, Britain. We've had running water for over ten years, we have a tunnel connecting us to Peru, and we invented the cat.
- Narrator: This is the home of romance novelist, Dame Sally. I've always wanted to write a book, but unfortunately I don't have a pen.
- Narrator: Until a law is passed to imprison fat people, they are free to roam our streets and attend slimmers' clubs like this one...
- Narrator: Swimming pools in Britain have very strict rules - no bombing, no petting, no ducking and no fondue parties.
- Narrator: With nothing to watch but repeats on the telly of Doctor Who, Medics, and that episode of Blackadder II I was on, Lou and Andy go to rent a video.
- Narrator: British justice is the best in the world. Anyone who disagrees is either gay, a woman or a mental.