Leslie Nielsen credited as playing...
President Baxter Harris
- President Harris: [to the U.N] So, an Indian, a Frenchman, and the Pope are all on a plane. The pilot says, "Hey, are any of you not circumcised?" So the Pope lifts up his robe and says, "Shut up, stupid! You don't even speak English!" The Israeli asks the Japanese guy to open his eyes, but the Japanese man says, "I'm not squinting you crazy Jew, you're the one who sold me these cheap glasses!" What's the difference between a Belgian and a lump of dog shit? The Belgian drinks wine, but the dog shit smells good.
- Secret Service Agent: Mr. President, the country is under attack by aliens.
- President Harris: I'll deal with that later. Right now I want to find out what happens to the duck.
- Secret Service Agent: More people will die!
- President Harris: The people will die regardless. But this duck still has a fighting chance.
- Secret Service Agent: Sir, I've read the book. The duck dies!
- [the President spits milk all over the elementary school kids]
- President Harris: Good God! That's horrible!
- Harper: Sir, you're naked too!
- President Harris: I am? I thought this was a wrinkly leather coat!
- [points to his nipples]
- President Harris: Then these aren't buttons?
- Harper: No.
- President Harris: And I've been pulling this thing up and down as if it was a zipper!