Kelly Rowan credited as playing...
- Kirsten: He's a consultant.
- Sandy: Could you be please be a little more vague?
- Kirsten: He knows people.
- Sandy: You did it! That was more vague.
- Sandy: What are we fighting about?
- Kirsten: I don't know, but it's serious!
- Julie: Can I ask you a question?
- Kirsten: Mmhmm.
- Julie: Do you like that he calls you Kiki?
- Kirsten: Hate it.
- Julie: 'Cause he kept calling me Juju, like that candy that gets stuck in your teeth. I begged him to stop.
- Kirsten: Oh, someone, please stop him before he starts singing "Greased Lightning."
- Seth: Do it, dad. Travolta's your bitch.
- Sandy: Oh, thank you, son.
- Kirsten: [on the phone with wedding planner] Colored lights, no way. White lights only because colored lights remind my father of a carnival. And he hates carnies.
- Sandy: Note to self: hang with carnies.
- Seth: Yeah, it's too bad you're leaving. We never eat like this.
- Kirsten: That's not true. I cook all the time.
- Seth: [scoffs] Dad...
- Sandy: I'm sorry, honey.
- [starts laughing]
- Kirsten: Let's just eat.
- Sandy: We're not saying we want you to cook more.
- Seth: Oh...
- [blows raspberry]
- Seth: Hell, no. You remember the meat loaf incident of '98?
- Kirsten: That was brisket.
- Seth: Yeah, that's my point exactly.
- Kirsten: It would be nice if Uncle Sean could be here.
- Sandy: Not if we have to pay for the bar tab.
- Sandy: And you know, they do find foster home for kids your age.
- Seth: Yeah, because everyone wants a brand new teenager.
- [everyone stares at him]
- Seth: I'm sorry if I'm the only one here that will state the obvious...
- Kirsten: Seth.
- Seth: - But we have all this extra room, right? We have a pool house. Yet, you guys are going to ship him off to a group home. Am I the only one who gets how much that sucks?
- Kirsten: [frowns] Why is that ninja smoking a cigarette?
- Sandy: Honey honey, I don't actually think that's a ninja, ninjas usually wear capes, right?
- Kirsten: oooh so a ninja is like a super hero
- Seth: [had enough] mom, dad, you two enjoy
- [gets up]
- Seth: Ryan
- [steps over Sandy's legs]
- Seth: give me five minutes
- Sandy: Where you goin?
- [Ryan smiles]
- Sandy: come on back
- Ryan: Nice work
- [Kirsten smiles, pleased]
- Sandy: Never underestimate a parent's ability to mortify his child
- Seth: Mom, on the other hand, Waspy McWasp.
- Sandy: We're so proud.
- Kirsten: I am not a Wasp!
- Seth: Sure you're not.
- Kirsten: Sometimes you make it hard to hate you.
- Sandy: I know, it's part of my charm.
- Kirsten: And sometimes you make it easy.
- Kirsten: My dad is marrying Julie Cooper. Julie Cooper... is my step-mom.
- Jimmy: Maybe we'll get you another bottle.
- Sandy: Yeah, drink up.
- Kirsten: This is an unholy alliance. This is two storm fronts colliding. This is the apocalypse for us all.
- Sandy: If all we're gunna do is send them to their room and make them do homework, what are they going to learn?
- Kirsten: Their homework.
- Sandy: Nobody needs to know, we can say you're taking a trip.
- Kirsten: In this town a trip is always rehab.
- Kirsten: Julie, are you okay?
- Julie: Duh! I don't need any steak knives! Do you want some coffee cake?
- Sandy: We suck.
- Kirsten: That was not very smooth.
- Sandy: I told you this was a bad idea.
- Kirsten: No, you didn't!
- Seth: I don't wanna know. Don't care.
- Kirsten: Julie, I am not going to a place called The Petting Zoo. You don't know where the pets have been.
