Kate Ashfield: Liz

Shaun of the Dead

Liz

Shaun: As Bertrand Russell once said, "The only thing that will redeem mankind is cooperation." I think we can all appreciate the relevance of that now.
Liz: Was that on a beer mat?
Shaun: Yeah, it was Guinness Extra Cold.
Liz: I won't say anything.
Shaun: Thanks.

Liz: Shaun?
Shaun: Yeah?
Liz: You see what I'm saying?
Shaun: Yep, totally.
Liz: I know he's your best friend, but you do live with him.
Shaun: I know.
Liz: It's not that I don't like Ed.
[Liz looks over at Ed who is playing an arcade game]
Liz: Ed, it's not that I don't like you.
Ed: It's all right.
Liz: It would just be nice if we could...
Ed: [talking to the arcade machine] Fuck!
Liz: ...spend a bit more time together...
Ed: [talking to the arcade machine] Bollocks!
Liz: ...just the two of us.
Ed: [talking to the arcade machine] Cock it!
Liz: It's just with Ed here, it's no wonder I always bring my flat-mates out and then that only exacerbates things.
Shaun: What do you mean?
Liz: Well you guys hardly get on, do you?
Shaun: No, what does "exacerbate" mean?
Liz: It means um, to make things worse.
Shaun: Right. Well I mean, it's not that I don't like David and Di.
[Shaun looks over at David and Di at the table next to them]
Shaun: Guys, it's not that I don't like you.
David, Dianne: [together] It's all right.
Shaun: And it's not that I don't want to spend time with you cause I do. It's just... Ed doesn't have too many friends.
Ed: Can I get... any of you cunts... a drink?

Shaun: Well maybe one should do the other, and then do themselves.
Liz: Oh maybe you should do me, I'll only muck it up if I have to do myself.
[Shaun mimes shooting Liz and then himself, to see how it feels]
Shaun: You know, I don't think I've got it in me to shoot my flatmate, my mum, and my girlfriend all in the same night.
Liz: [pauses] What makes you think I'd have taken you back?
Shaun: Well... You don't want to die single do you?
Ed: [interrupting] That's it. I would like to be shot.
Shaun: Besides, I've changed. I haven't had a fag since yesterday, I promise!
Ed: He hasn't!

[Shaun hands Liz a bunch of flowers]
Shaun: Got you these.
[Liz reads the label]
Liz: "To a wonderful mum"?
Shaun: [sniggers] Oooh! Yeah, that's, because... I thought, it would be, funny, because of what you said last night about me y'know, don't wanna be my mum and that. It's just a little joke, just sort of spur of the moment...
[long pause]
Liz: They're for your mum, aren't they?
Shaun: Yeah.
Liz: Smooth.

[while he is disguised as a zombie, Ed's phone rings and he answers it]
[others look horrified]
Ed: Two seconds!
[he chats on his phone until Shaun knocks it out of his hand]
Ed: Oi! What are you doing?
Shaun: [shouts] What am I doing? What are you doing, you stupid moron?
Ed: Fuck off!
Shaun: [shouts] You fuck off! Fuck fucking off! I've spent... look at me! I've spent my entire life sticking my neck out for you and all you ever do is fuck things up! Fuck things up and make me look stupid! Well, I'm not going to let you do it any more. OK? Not today!
Liz: Shaun!
Shaun: What?
[sees the hundreds of zombies staring at them]
Shaun: Oh.

Liz: You should do me. I'll muck it up if I have to do myself.
Shaun: [breaking down] I don't think I've got it in me to shoot my flatmate, my mum and my girlfriend all in the same evening!

[a jukebox begins playing Queen's "Don't Stop Me Now" while the zombie pub owner attacks the group]
Shaun: Who the hell put this on?
Ed: It's on random.
Liz: For fuck's sake!

Liz, Declan: [as each survivor passes by their parallel counterpart] Hi.
David, Mark: [formally] Hello.
Dianne, Maggie: [friendly] Hi!
Barbara, Yvonne's Mum: [politely] Hello.
Ed, Cousin Tom: [too involved with their cell phones, briefly glancing at each other, muttering] Hello.

Liz: [during a standoff where David wants to shoot Shaun's Mum Barbara before she turns] Please, can we just stop and think about this?
Shaun: Tell him to put the gun down!
David: Look, Lizzie, she's gonna change. You know I'm right. And when she does, she'll come back, and she'll kill *all* of us. That's what your *ex* can't seem to realize.
Shaun: THAT'S what this is about, isn't it? It's just... it's just he doesn't like me! He's always hated me, and now he wants to shoot my mum!
David: She's not...!
Shaun: You never thought I deserved her, or that I was good enough!
David: What are you talking about?
Shaun: Oh, come on, we all know you're in love with Liz!
David: That is not true!
Shaun: Yes it is!
David: [refusing to make eye contact with Shaun] That is not true...
Dianne: Yes, it is...
David: What?
Dianne: I know you only hung out with me at college to get close to Liz, and when she knocked you back, I was there to pick up the pieces. I have come to terms with that, Daffs. Why can't you?
David: Lizzie. I want you to know that my feelings for you have always been essentially...
Liz: [flabbergasted] David, please! There are slightly more pressing matters at hand here!