Bernie Mac credited as playing...
Percy Jones
- Howard Jones: You don't hear me calling no white folks honky and flat-ass!
- Percy: Casper.
- Howard Jones: Cracker.
- Percy: Ofay.
- Howard Jones: Peckerwood.
- Percy: Wonder bread.
- Howard Jones: Bird shit.
- Percy: Bird shit?
- Howard Jones: Well, it's almost white.
- Percy: If you're gonna marry one of these women, sometimes it's gonna hurt like hell. And all you can do is admit that you're wrong and know that she's always right.
- Simon Green: She's right?
- Percy: That's right.
- Simon Green: Always?
- Percy: Right.
- Simon Green: Right.
- Percy: That's right.
- Simon Green: All right okay, what about all that talk about my dignity?
- Percy: Do you love her? Do you want her? Then she's always right.
- Theresa: I was just showing Simon around the house.
- Simon Green: You have a very nice house, Mrs. Jones.
- Marilyn: Thank you, Simon. You can call me Marilyn.
- Simon Green: You too, Mr. Jones.
- Percy: Thank you, Simon. You can call me Mr. Jones.
- [Marilyn gives him a dirty look]
- Percy: Just kidding.
- Percy: Hi. Reservation for Percy Jones.
- Polly: And that's Jones with a "J"?
- Percy: No, Jones with a "P". I made the reservation last week.
- Simon Green: You knew you were gonna kick me out a week ago?
- Percy: Son, I knew I was gonna kick you out 24 years ago... when the doctor announced it was a girl.
- Polly: Here you are.
- Percy: Good.
- Polly: We gave your room away.
- Percy: What?
- Polly: Check in was at 4:00.
- Percy: It's Thursday night. I'm quite sure you've got another room available.
- Polly: I'm sorry. We're completely booked, and so is everyone else. There's a Shriners convention in town, actually. May help you with anything else Mr. Pjones?
- Keisha Jones: Theresa's boyfriend is white.
- Percy: I know.
- Keisha Jones: Oh, I know you know. I just wanted to see your face when you heard it again.
- [Percy is informed that Simon, his daughter's boyfriend, is the white guy and not the black guy, he thought was Simon]
- Percy Jones: Well who are you?
- The Cab Driver: Wesley Thompson, that's my cab. But if you're still down with me making your daughter happy... I'm good to go!
- Howard Jones: You didn't tell me he was white!
- Percy: Yes, I did, back at the retirement home.
- Howard Jones: I thought you was kidding.