David Herman credited as playing...
Secretary of State
- [cabinet has been debating putting water on the plants instead of Brawndo]
- Pvt. Joe Bowers: What *are* these electrolytes? Do you even know?
- Secretary of State: They're... what they use to make Brawndo!
- Pvt. Joe Bowers: But *why* do they use them to make Brawndo?
- Secretary of Defense: [raises hand after a pause] Because Brawndo's got electrolytes.
- Secretary of State: I'm Secretary of State, brought to you by Carl's Jr.
- Pvt. Joe Bowers: Why do you keep saying that?
- Secretary of State: Because they pay me everytime I do.
- Pvt. Joe Bowers: For the last time, I'm pretty sure what's killing the crops is this Brawndo stuff.
- Secretary of State: But Brawndo's got what plants crave. It's got electrolytes.
- Attorney General: So wait a minute. What you're saying is that you want us to put water on the crops?
- Pvt. Joe Bowers: Yes
- Attorney General: Water. Like out the toilet?
- Pvt. Joe Bowers: Well, I mean, it doesn't have to be out of the toilet, but, yeah, that's the idea.
- Secretary of State: But Brawndo's got what plants crave.
- Attorney General: It's got electrolytes.
- Pvt. Joe Bowers: Okay, look. The plants aren't growing, so I'm pretty sure that the Brawndo's not working. Now, I'm no botanist, but I do know that if you put water on plants, they grow.
- Secretary of Energy: Well, I've never seen no plants grow out of no toilet.
- Secretary of State: Hey, that's good. You sure you ain't the smartest guy in the world?
- Secretary of State: They found that whore you wanted.
- Pvt. Joe Bowers: Hey, that may be how you refer to women in the future, but come on.
- Secret Service Thug: No, sir. Turns out she charged some guy a lotta money and didn't put out. Don't worry though. We'll get her out on a work-release whorin' license, as long as you're doin' her.