John Cusack credited as playing...
Charlie Arglist
- Charlie Arglist: Did I ever tell you my father was a twin?
- Pete Van Heuten: Identical?
- Charlie Arglist: Fraternal. Looked a lot alike, though, him and my uncle. Different temperaments completely. My father, he's a cop. By-the-book guy. Believed in the law, wanted his only son to be a lawyer. Drank in moderation, didn't smoke. Kept up his life insurance premiums. Voted in every election, not just for president.
- Pete Van Heuten: Lemme guess, uncle didn't vote?
- Charlie Arglist: He said he didn't want to encourage the bastards. In and out of jail from the time he was 16... drunk all the time, fucked everything that walked. Won a fortune playing poker, lost it all the same way. Lost an eye in a fight. My father was 54 when he died of a massive embolism, right here in Wichita. My uncle died the very next day in a car wreck in California. So the point is... it is futile to regret. You do one thing, you do another... I mean, so what? What's the difference? Same result.
- Vic: Well? How'd it go?
- Charlie Arglist: Good. Went good.
- Vic: How much?
- Charlie Arglist: A lot.
- Vic: Am I gonna have to slap the shit outta you? How much?
- Charlie Arglist: Vic, it's a great, big, fuckin' pile of money: two-million - one-hundred - forty-seven-thousand dollars and change. My God, we're actually doing this.
- Vic: No, we're not doing it. It's already done.
- Renata: [answers phone] Hello?
- Charlie Arglist: Renata?
- Renata: Charlie.
- Charlie Arglist: Listen. You were right. Vic and I have been skimming.
- Renata: Well, duh!
- Charlie Arglist: I think Roy Gelles must have found out, and I think he might have killed Vic.
- Renata: That's terrible!
- Charlie Arglist: So I was thinking it might be best if I left town, and I was wondering if you wanted to come with me.
- Renata: You have the money?
- Charlie Arglist: What? Which?
- Renata: The money we're talking about. That you and Vic have been skimming. Try to keep up, OK?
- Charlie Arglist: No. Vic had it.
- Renata: So, your idea is that we should run away together and be poor?
- Charlie Arglist: I thought I'd give it a shot.
- Pete Van Heuten: Take me with you, man.
- Charlie Arglist: Oh, Fuck. Jesus, Pete.
- Pete Van Heuten: No, I mean it. Take me with you, buddy. I can't do my life, man. I can't do it.
- Charlie Arglist: Just get some rest.
- Pete Van Heuten: I hate myself. I want a new life.
- Charlie Arglist: You don't want mine.
- Pete Van Heuten: I really do.
- Charlie Arglist: I'm in trouble. I'm in big fucking trouble.
- Pete Van Heuten: But that'd be great. Don't you see? We go out in a blaze of glory. Like men. Like men, Charlie No goddamn life left for men anymore. Not here. This country, all that's left for men is money and pussy.
- Vic: Don't be so worried. The hard part's done already. Everything worked just like you said it would.
- Charlie Arglist: Yeah. I guess.
- Vic: Just act normal for a few hours and we're home free. OK?
- Charlie Arglist: OK.
- Vic: OK.
- Charlie Arglist: Uh, you wanna take the money and not me?
- Vic: You wanna take the money?
- Charlie Arglist: No, I-I-I don't know. I was just...
- Vic: Well, if you wanna take the money... I mean, if you think you could do a better job at guarding two-million dollars...
- Charlie Arglist: No, no, no. It should be you. It should be you. It's just that we didn't discuss that.
- Vic: Are we through discussing it? Or is there more to say on the subject?
- Charlie Arglist: No. We're done.
- Vic: Cool. OK. Shut the door.
- Charlie Arglist: OK.
- Vic: And Charlie? Act normal.
- Charlie Arglist: Yeah.
- Pete Van Heuten: [standing outside his home where his wife's family is waiting to have Christmas dinner] That's my chair in there. You wanna know the truth? I can't fill it.
- Charlie Arglist: Neither could I, if it makes you feel any better.
- Pete Van Heuten: Listen, Charlie. Before we go in, there's something I have to tell you. It's been on my conscience, and you can punch me if you want to.
- Charlie Arglist: I don't think I'm gonna want to.
- Pete Van Heuten: Back when you and Sarabeth were still married, that last year... she and I were fucking.
- Charlie Arglist: [not surprised] No kidding?
- Pete Van Heuten: Like minks. Everywhere. Kitchen table, your bed, garage.
- Charlie Arglist: Wow.
- Pete Van Heuten: Jesus, Charlie, we were friends! It doesn't make you angry?
- Charlie Arglist: Actually, it makes me curious. It makes me wonder who she's fucking now.
- Pete Van Heuten: [waking up in back of Charlie's car] Ugh... Where are we?
- Charlie Arglist: We're in heaven, Pete.
- Pete Van Heuten: Oh... They got pancakes?
- Charlie Arglist: They got everything.
- Pete Van Heuten: Good.
- Charlie Arglist: It's Christmas! Everyone's nice on Christmas!
- Vic Cavanaugh: Only morons are nice on Christmas.
- Charlie Arglist: Pete, I know you're not asking for my advice, but listen... you should really shut the fuck up.
- Charlie Arglist: Oh, Vic?
- Vic: What?
- Charlie Arglist: [Shows a severed thumb] Whose thumb is this?
- Vic: Oh yeah, Roy. good news: Charlie brought your thumb.
- Charlie Arglist: People always say there's no such thing as the perfect crime... but I don't agree with that. If you plan things carefully enough, if you think through every last detail; if you have nerves of steel, if you can remain calm no matter what happens... then there should be no problem you can't handle. It's really all a matter of a character. Of course, if I had any character, I wouldn't have stolen $2 million from my boss. Christmas Eve. Ho ho fucking ho.