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- Finn Earl: What? You bring me to a place where everyone's rich and you want me to be the maid?
- [last lines]
- Finn Earl: We are the sum of all of the people that we have ever met. You change the tribe and the tribe changes you.
- [first lines]
- Finn Earl: [narrating] There's this tribe in South America called the Ishkanani. That means "Fierce People". They're - they're the meanest people in the world. They'll cut off your thumbs and they'll shit in your hammock just like we say hello.
- Finn Earl: [final statement of the introductory narration] This is my story of my time amongst the Fierce People. During the summer of 1980, in deepest, darkest, New Jersey.
- Liz Earl: This is my son, Finn. And this is Dr. Leffler.
- Dr. Leffler: You can call me Dick.
- Finn Earl: Nice to meet you, Dr. Dick.
- Finn Earl: Mom liked to brag that Ogden C. Osborne, seventh richest man in America, once gave her a $1,000 tip and all he got was a one-hour back rub.
- Finn Earl: What's the chivalrous thing to do when you make out with a girl with her comatose father laying next to you like a big root vegetable? I mean, I knew I should call her. But what do I say? "Hi. I like kissing you. Thanks for letting me touch your boob. Can I do it again?"
- Bryce: Your father's Fox Blanchard? I read him in my anthro class at Harvard. Maya, do you realize this man's father is the Elvis of anthropology?
- Ogden C. Osborne: Herbert, my hat. Maestro, if you please.
- [singing]
- Ogden C. Osborne: A pretty girl is like a melody, That haunts you night and day, Just like the strain, Of a haunting refrain, She'll start up on a marathon, And run around your brain, You can't escape, She's in your memory, By morning, night and noon, She will leave you, And then come back again, A pretty girl, Is just like a pretty tune...
- Ogden C. Osborne: How can someone so - exquisitely beautiful, so intelligent, and so complicated as you are, get sucked in by a scared, suburban phony?
- Finn Earl: Who is this?
- [showing a photograph]
- Ogden C. Osborne: That's Creamsicle.
- Finn Earl: Her name was Creamsicle?
- Ogden C. Osborne: No. No, she smelled like a Creamsicle.
- Finn Earl: Mr. Osborne, Creamsicle's don't smell.
- Ogden C. Osborne: [next scene, Ogden and Finn are sniffing a creamsicle] Smells good, doesn't it?
- Ogden C. Osborne: Have a look at that.
- [shows Finn a photograph]
- Finn Earl: She's really got a lot of pubic hair.
- Ogden C. Osborne: That woman is my mother.
- Ogden C. Osborne: King of Norway introduced me to her. She had a mole shaped like Cuba. She and Billy Holiday got into a catfight over me.
- Ogden C. Osborne: Ex malo bonum. Out of bad comes good. That's what people like you and me are put on this earth to prove.
- Finn Earl: Dear dad. You know the thing the Ishkanani say about showing the guy's heart to the village? Well, that's the part that's gonna be a problem for me. I mean, if everybody knows what happened, for the rest of my life it'd be, "Hey, you know Finn Earl, the guy who beat up and dead-horsed by some guy?". And no matter how great things turned out, even if I ended up marrying Maya and I became I famous anthropologist, people would say: "No question, after Finn got it in the ass, he really got his shit together".
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