William Shatner: Denny Crane

Boston Legal

Denny Crane

Alan Shore: [referring to a book about parasites found on salmon] This book, "A Stain Upon The Sea" it's all about these sea lice.
Denny Crane: Interesting.
Alan Shore: They call them cling ons.
Denny Crane: Did you say Klingons?

Denny Crane: You left me, Shirley. Women don't leave Denny Crane. And for a secretary!
Shirley Schmidt: It was the Secretary of Defense.

Denny Crane: You're one of those environmental lawyers?
Peter Barrett: Is there something wrong with that?
Denny Crane: They're evildoers. Yesterday it's a tree, today it's a salmon, tomorrow it's, "Let's not dig up Alaska for oil because it's too pretty." Let me tell you something, I came out here to enjoy nature, don't talk to me about the environment.
Alan Shore: All reality, none of it scripted.

Denny Crane: [walking through a crowd of reporters] dennycranelaw.com. Pictures, bios, hobbies. I once captained my own spaceship. Muli-talented.

Denny Crane: I don't know whether you know this but not many men take the time, every day, to have a cigar, glass of scotch, to talk to their best friend. That's not something most men have.
Alan Shore: No it isn't.
Denny Crane: What I give to you, what I share, I do with no one else. I like to think that what you give to me you do with nobody else. Now that may sound silly to you. But here's what I think is silly, the idea that jealousy or fidelity is reserved for romance. I always suspected that there was a connection between you and that man. That you got something you didn't get from me.
Alan Shore: I probably do. But gosh, what I get from you, Denny. People walk around today calling everyone their best friend. The term doesn't have any real meaning anymore. Mere acquaintances are lavished with hugs and kisses upon a second or at most third meeting, birthday cards get passed around offices so everybody can scribble a snippet of sentimentality for a colleague they barely met, and everyone just loves everyone. As a result, when you tell somebody you love them today, it isn't much heard. I love you, Denny; you are my best friend. I can't imagine going through life without you as my best friend. I'm not going to kiss you, however.

Brian Stevens: Motion for continuance is denied.
Denny Crane: You know what I'm going to do, Brian, just to show you there are no hard feelings? I'm going to sleep with your wife.

Denny Crane: Now, Alan, if all else fails and you think you've lost... pretend you've won! Works for our president.

Denny Crane: I have an erection. That's a good sign. I'm ready to go to trial. Lock and load.

Denny Crane: You hear the one about the fella who died, went to the pearly gates? St. Peter let him in. Sees a guy in a suit making a closing argument. Says, "Who's that?" St. Peter says, "Oh, that's God. Thinks he's Denny Crane."

Alan Shore: You have a job to do, and so do I. Yours is to sell socks and suspenders. Mine is to cross examine people like you and crush them.
[indicates to Denny Crane]
Alan Shore: This man here would fire me if I didn't.
Denny Crane: Denny Crane.

Denny Crane: [several lawyers from the firm are squeezing past a throng of reporters] Denny Crane, Trix are for Kids... Denny Crane, coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs.

Denny Crane: [to Alan about the riot on television] 100 women there, and you didn't invite me. That's 200 breasts! And you kept them all to yourself.

Denny Crane: [walking in on Alan Shore and Shirley Schmidt in the men's room] If she tries to pee standing up, come get me.
[after closing the door to the stall]
Denny Crane: Lock and load!

Denny Crane: It's a good feeling, you know, to shoot a bad guy. Something you Democrats would never understand. Americans... we're homesteaders, we want a safe home, keep the money we make, and shoot bad guys.