Chandra Wilson: Dr. Miranda Bailey

Grey's Anatomy

Dr. Miranda Bailey

Dr. Cristina Yang: [they all see the Nazi] That's the Nazi?
Dr. George O'Malley: I thought the Nazi would be a man.
Dr. Meredith Grey: I thought the Nazi would be... the Nazi.
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: [Izzie walks up behind them] Maybe it's professional jealousy. Maybe she's brilliant and they call her a Nazi because they're jealous. Maybe she's nice.
Dr. Cristina Yang: Let me guess - you're the model.
[Izzie gives her an evil look]
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: [to the Nazi] Hi, I'm Isobel Stevens, but everyone just calls me Izzie.
Dr. Miranda Bailey: I have five rules. Memorize them. Rule number one, don't bother sucking up. I already hate you, that's not gonna change.

Dr. George O'Malley: You know Joe?
Dr. Miranda Bailey: Oh, yeah. I was the only female intern my year. I didn't know anybody and nobody knew me except Joe. He knew me.
Dr. George O'Malley: Oh. So you and Joe...?
Dr. Miranda Bailey: All you people ever think about is how to get into somebody's pants. You're nasty.
[slaps George]
Dr. Miranda Bailey: That's why you got syphilis.

Dr. Miranda Bailey: Every intern wants to perform their first surgery. That's not your job. Do you know what your job is? To make your resident happy. Do I look happy? No! Why? Because my interns are whiney. You know what will make me look happy? Having the code team staffed, having the trauma pages answered, having the weekend labs delivered and having someone down in the pit doing the sutures. No-one holds a scalpel until I'm so happy I'm Mary Freaking Poppins.

Dr. Callie Torres: Hey, I've got a plan to stop George. Are you in?
Dr. Arizona Robbins: Stop George from what?
Dr. Miranda Bailey: He joined the army
[looks at Callie]
Dr. Miranda Bailey: Yes I'm in
[walks away]
Dr. Arizona Robbins: Bailey, no I'm talking to you.
[Turns to Callie]
Dr. Arizona Robbins: Why are you trying to stop him?
Dr. Callie Torres: Because he joined the army.
Dr. Arizona Robbins: And?
Dr. Callie Torres: And because he's my ex-husband. And because I know his mom, and I love his mom, and normally Izzy would talk sense to him, but she's got cancer and kind of a bad mental deficient so it's on me to stop him.
Dr. Arizona Robbins: why would you wanna stop him?
Dr. Callie Torres: Because he joined the army, don't you think that's a problem?
Dr. Arizona Robbins: I think that's awesome.
Dr. Callie Torres: Awesome!
[walks away]

Dr. Meredith Grey: I think she's more of a "gentle stalker."
Dr. Miranda Bailey: Right. Well, let's hope she lives to "gently stalk" another day.

Dr. Miranda Bailey: Eh, not a good time.
Dr. Arizona Robbins: you know what, you walk away from me again I swear I will grab you by the hair and pull hard, I grew up will the name Arizona, I learned how to play dirty on the playground.

Dr. Miranda Bailey: Dr. Victor, I'm sorry, but these are viable nerves. We should save them.
Dr. Victor: It will take at least an hour longer. And we might not get it all.
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: [to George] You know they call him, *limp Harry*.
Dr. Miranda Bailey: But his prognosis with chemo is nearly as good, and frankly if you're worried about missing tee time, I'll be more than happy to finish.
[Izzie enters the O.R]
Dr. Miranda Bailey: Dr. Stevens?
Dr. Victor: Can we help you?
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: I'm sorry, Dr. Bailey. Dr. Victor, I agree with her. You just can't... You have to save the nerves.
Dr. Victor: What?
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: The nerves. You have to save them.
Dr. Miranda Bailey: Dr. Stevens, I can handle this.
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: No, you told me the most important thing is giving the patient what they want. What Humphrey wants is his erection.
Dr. Victor: [to Dr. Bailey] She's yours. You get her out.
Dr. Miranda Bailey: I can't do that, sir. You know how these young puppies are.
Dr. Victor: I'm going to tell Richard about both of you.
Dr. Miranda Bailey: You do that. In the meantime, why don't we pretend it's you on this table, and give this a try.

Dr. Miranda Bailey: Look at this. Everybody wants a life without pain. And what does it get you? She needs to be on a poster somewhere to remind people, pain is there for a reason.

Dr. Miranda Bailey: [to Cristina] An intern was reassigned so he's mine now. Have him shadow you for the day, show him how I do things.
Dr. Alex Karev: Alex Karev, nice to meet you.
Christina Yang: The pig who called Meredith a nurse. I hate you on principle.
Dr. Alex Karev: And you're the pushy, overbearing kiss ass. I hate you too.
Christina Yang: Oh, this should be fun then.

Dr. Miranda Bailey: You wanna tell me what that was all about?
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: Nothing. He's probably just crazy or something.
[she hesitates]
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: Bethany Whisper.
Dr. Miranda Bailey: What?
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: Bethany Whisper. I did a new Bethany Whisper lingerie ad, he saw it in a magazine.
Dr. Miranda Bailey: You had time to pose for magazines?
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: No, it was last year, it just came out.
Dr. Miranda Bailey: So, because he saw you in a thong...
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: No! It was not a thong!
Dr. Miranda Bailey: You're hiding out in the hallway?
Dr. Isobel "Izzie" Stevens: I think it might be easier if you assign another intern.
Dr. Miranda Bailey: Izzie, it's not in your job description. You are a doctor. He is a patient. He's your patient! Biopsy these! If they come back positive, I expect to see you in surgery. You're on this! You hear me?

Dr. Miranda Bailey: [to Derek and Meredith, who are in the passenger seat of his car] You mind moving this tailwagon? You blocking me in.

Dr. Miranda Bailey: [to Izzie] Course, now you know, every time he gets a rise, he'll be thinking of you.