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- Borat: [Chasing after the chicken that came out of his suitcase on a subway train] I'll get him! Careful, he bite.
- Borat: He is my neighbor Nursultan Tuliagby. He is pain in my assholes. I get a window from a glass, he must get a window from a glass. I get a step, he must get a step. I get a clock radio, he cannot afford. Great success!
- Borat: This is my country of Kazakhstan. It locate between Tajikistan, and Kyrgyzstan, and assholes Uzbekistan.
- Borat: What's up with it, Vanilla face? Me and my homie Azamat just parked our slab outside. We're looking for somewhere to post up our Black asses for the night. So, uh, bang bang, skeet skeet, nigga. Just a couple of pimps, no hos.
- Borat: Sometime my sister, she show her vazhïn to my brother Bilo and say "You will never get this you will never get it la la la la la la." He behind his cage. He cries, he cries and everybody laughs. She goes "You never get this." But one time he break cage and he "get this" and then we all laugh. High five!
- Borat: [referring in thought to woman speaking in feminism group] I could not concentrate on what this old man was saying.
- [from trailer]
- Borat: My country send me to United States to make movie-film. Please, come and see my film. If it not success, I will be execute.
- Borat: I want to have a car that attract a woman with shave down below.
- Car Dealership owner: Well that would be a Corvette. Or a Hummer.
- [starts showing Borat cars]
- Car Dealership owner: We'll try to help you out here.
- Borat: A man yesterday, tell me if I buy a car I must buy one with a pussy magnet.
- Car Dealership owner: He means a car that women like.
- Borat: Yes, but where do you keep this magnet?
- Car Dealership owner: [interrupts] No. There's no magnet he just means the vehicle. Women love the Hummers.
- Borat: Do this have a pussy magnet?
- Car Dealership owner: No. The vehicle itself would be a magnet.
- Borat: If I give you good price, will you please put in pussy magnet?
- Car Dealership owner: Yeah but there's no-there's no such thing in this country as a-as a magnet.
- Borat: If this car drive into a group of gypsies, will there be any damage to the car?
- Car Dealership owner: It depends on how hard you hit them and all that.
- Borat: *Hard*
- Car Dealership owner: You might-if somebody rolls on the windshield, they could crack your windshield.
- Borat: How fast do I need to go to guarantee I kill them?
- Car Dealership owner: Uh-let me tell you something with this vehicle here probably doing 35-45 miles per hour will do it.
- Borat: Great! When I uh, buy my wife, at the start she was uh, cook good, her vazhïn work well, and she strong on plow. But after three years when she was fifteen, then she become weak, her voice become deep: BORAT BORAT, eh, she receive hair on chest, and vazhïn hang like sleeve of wizard.
- Car Dealership owner: Huh-Jesus...
- Borat: How do I know that this will not happen with the car?
- Car Dealership owner: Chevrolette guarantees you that with a warranty.
- Borat: I like-a very much buy this Hummers, how much is it?
- Car Dealership owner: Fifty-two thousand.
- Borat: I am looking for something between um, six-hundred to uh... six-hundred and fifty dollars.
- Car Dealership owner: We don't have any cars for six-fifty that you can buy. I might be able to sell you a wholesale car, a car with a lot of miles for seven-hundred with no warranty.
- Borat: I arrived in America's airport with clothings, US dollars, and a jar of gypsy tears to protect me from AIDS.
- Borat: [referring to Pamela Anderson's character in "Baywatch"] This C.J. was like no Kazakh woman I have ever seen. She had golden hairs, teeth as white as pearls, and the asshole of a seven-year-old. For the first time in my lifes, I was in love.
- Oxanna: [as Borat is leaving] If you cheat on me, I will snap off your cock!
- Borat: [later] Sadly, I cannot go after Pamela or else my wife will snap off my cock.
- Borat: When you chase a dream, especially one with plastic chests, you sometimes do not see what is right in front of you.
- Borat: Who is this car that follow us? I wish it didn't follow us anymore.
- Driving Instructor: Oh, I don't know.
- Borat: Maybe we lose them.
- Driving Instructor: No, we better not lose them.
- Borat: [yelling at the passing car] Hey, don't look at me. Eat my tits!
- Driving Instructor: All right. We'll make a right turn up here.
- Borat: Don't look at me like that! I will eat your shit.
- Driving Instructor: Hey, don't do that.
- Borat: You fuck my mother.
- Driving Instructor: Hey, hey. You can't do that.
- Borat: No, he do before. He look on me.
- Driving Instructor: You can't do that, okay? They're gonna throw us in jail, me with you. You can't...
- Borat: Why in jail? He look on me- la-la-la behind.
- Driving Instructor: You can't say that.
- Borat: There lives Nursultan Tulyakbay. He's still asshole. I get iPod, he only get iPod Mini. Everybody know it for girls!
- End Credits Men's Choir: Kazakhstan greatest country in the world, All other countries are run by little girls. Kazakhstan number one exporter of potassium, all other countries have inferior potassium. Kazakhstan home of Tinshein swimming pool, it's length thirty meter and width six meter. Filtration system a marvel to behold. It remove 83 percent of human solid waste. Kazakhstan, Kazakhstan you very nice place, From Plains of Tarashek to northern fence of Jewtown. Kazakhstan friend of all except Uzbekistan, They very nosey people with bone in their brain. Kazakhstan industry best in the world, we invented toffee and trouser belt. Kazakhstan's prostitutes cleanest in the region, except of course Turkmenistan's. Kazakhstan, Kazakhstan you very nice place, From Plains of Tarashek to northern fence of Jewtown. Come grasp the might penis of our leader from junction with the testes to tip of its face!
- Borat Sagdiyev: [to woman running a yard sale] I will look on your treasures, gypsy. Is this understood?
- Borat: [while driving] Look, there is a woman in a car! Can we follow her and maybe make a sexy time with her?
- Driving Instructor: No, no, no, no, no, no!
- Borat: A-why not?
- Driving Instructor: Because a woman has the right to choose who she has sex with.
- Borat: [stunned] WHAT...? You joke?
- Driving Instructor: It must be consensual. How 'bout that?
- Borat: Ahahahahaha!
- Driving Instructor: That's good, huh?
- Borat: [stops laughing] Is not good for me.
- Borat: Pamela, will you marry me?
- Pamela Anderson: Uh... no thanks. I'm sorry.
- Borat: Agreement not necessary.
- [he slips his 'wedding sack' over her]
- Borat: I like you, do you like me?
- Driving Instructor: Of course I like you.
- Borat: You are my friend?
- Driving Instructor: You're a nice young man and, yes, I am your friend.
- Borat: You will be my boyfriend?
- Driving Instructor: No, I won't be your boyfriend.
- Borat: Why not?
- Driving Instructor: Okay, yeah, I guess I can be your boyfriend.
- Mike Jared (Magnolia Fine Dining Society): I'm, er... recently retired...
- Borat: You are a retard?
- Mike Jared (Magnolia Fine Dining Society): Er... yes...
- Borat: Er... physical or mental?
- Bethany Weston (Magnolia Fine Dining Society): [to Jared] Retired...
- Mike Jared (Magnolia Fine Dining Society): RETIRED! I don't work anymore...
- Bethany Weston (Magnolia Fine Dining Society): Stopped work...
- Mike Jared (Magnolia Fine Dining Society): STOPPED WORKING!
- Borat: [quietly across the table] Is very good you allow retard to, er...
- [mumbles politely]
- Borat: I will forgive Pamela, and I will go to California with my friend Mr. Jesus, AND TOGETHER WE WILL TAKE HER!
- Borat: [voiceover, referring to Azamat in Adolf Hitler outfit] I had not come to Hollywood to fight with a man dressed as Hitler.
- Borat: This my mother. She is oldest woman in ALL of Kuzçek! She is 43! I love her! Uhh... this my wife Oxanna... She is a moron...
- Oxanna: What? What? What did say about me, you skinny piece of shit? Why don't you go do something useful and dig your mother a grave, you tall piece of shit!
- Borat: The only thing keeping me going was my dream of one day holding Pamela in my arms and making romance explosion on her stomach.