Rainn Wilson credited as playing...
Vaughn Haige
- [over the phone]
- Matt Saunders: What's going on there?
- Vaughn Haige: Some big fire on 73rd and Broadway. Everything's burning.
- Matt Saunders: Is anyone hurt?
- Vaughn Haige: I don't know, probably. It's blocking my way to the gym.
- Matt Saunders: All my thoughts are with you in this time of crisis.
- Vaughn Haige: [Looking the word 'dick' burnt on Matt Saunders's forehead] Man! No woman's ever done that to me, and I actually am a dick.
- Vaughn Haige: Oh, no no. Don't tell me. You have invaded the female nation and spread your democracy.
- Matt Saunders: I find your argument both repugnant and intriguing.
- Vaughn Haige: That's kind of my thing.
- [over the phone, as Vaughn watches G-Girl put out a fire by spinning up a whirlwind]
- Vaughn Haige: It's G-Girl! She's doing her thing!
- Matt Saunders: Are you serious? You lucky S.O.B., I've never seen her in person. How does she look?
- Vaughn Haige: She looks...
- Matt Saunders: What?
- Vaughn Haige: ...blurry! But still pretty hot!
- Matt Saunders: Hannah!
- Vaughn Haige: Oh, man, I think she's dead. Time to start the grieving process.
- Vaughn Haige: There are 3 moments I'll remember 'til the day I die. 1: the look on my father's face when I graduated from Harvard law school. 2: Helping a beached mother whale give birth. And... 3: You and me, together, here, tonight.
- Shapely Bartender: Don't speak to me again... ever.
- Matt Saunders: If you could have any superpower, what would it be?
- Vaughn Haige: The ability to gratify myself orally.
- Matt Saunders: Interesting. But wouldn't that be a little...
- Matt Saunders, Vaughn Haige: Gay.
- Vaughn Haige: No.
- Matt Saunders: Yeah.
- Vaughn Haige: Not at all. Think about it.
- Matt Saunders: Really? It seems that way.