Jonah Hill credited as playing...
Jonah
- Jay: Man, my balls are shaved, my pubes are trimmed, I'm ready to fuckin' rock this shit!
- Jonah: What the fuck, man? If I go in there and see fuckin' pubes sprinkled on the toilet seat, I'm gonna fuckin' lose my mind! Last time I went to the bathroom, Jay, I took a shit and my shit looked like a fuckin' stuffed animal!
- Jonah: We got pinkeye.
- Ben Stone: Were you giving butterfly kisses or something?
- Jason: Ha ha ha, very funny That's not how you get pinkeye. You get it from poo particles making their way into your ocular cavities.
- Jay: Um, I farted on Jason's pillow as a practical joke. He farted on Jonah's, thinking it was mine, and then eventually pinkeyed my pillow. I'm not proud any of this, but I think we're all forgiven each other. Um, but we can't go anywhere.
- Pete: You can get pinkeye from farting in a pillow?
- Jonah: Totally!
- Pete: That's awesome!
- Jonah: Jesus, Martin got it bad. What, did someone take a dump on your eye?
- Martin: No. No pinkeye for me. I'm just really... high.
- Jason: You stay here.
- Martin: Why?
- Jason: Cause your face looks like a vagina.
- Martin: Dick!
- Jonah: How's it going Crockett, been hanging with Tubbs lately?
- Martin: Come on man, I'm getting it from all angles here, I really don't like it anymore.
- Jonah: I know, me either. Was it weird when you changed your name from Cat Stevens to Yusef Islam?
- Martin: Yeah, it was really awkward.
- Jonah: All right, see you later Scorcese on coke.
- Jay: [Makes a roar like Chewbacca from Star Wars]
- Martin: What the fuck was that?
- Jay: You know, Chewbacca.
- Martin: Oh, another beard joke.
- Jay: [walks away, embarrassed] Fuck.
- Martin: Fucking hilarious!
- Jonah: I can't believe you didn't fucking wear a bag, WHO DOES THAT?
- Jason: Why did we go to Costco and buy a year's supply of condoms if you weren't gonna use 'em, man?
- Jonah: I can't believe you did this. You fucked everything up.
- Jason: The real point is not to get yourself into this position, that's what you have to realize. You gotta know all the tricks like, for example, if a woman's on top she can't get pregnant. It's just gravity.
- Jonah: Well that's true. Everyone knows that.
- Jason: What goes up must come down.
- Jonah: Hey, Jay, do you use that Canadian leaf tattoo as like a cum target? How many points do you get for hitting the stem? Like a million.