Jason Sudeikis credited as playing...
Fred
- Coakley: [to Fred] Where're you going? You found your dream girl, now take her back to the hotel and... take care of business!
- Fred: We don't have a lot in common, I can't even talk to her!
- Coakley: Talk to her? Fred, what do you want? A pen-pal, or a poon-pal?
- Fred: I only got one shot at this, okay? I think I can do better!
- Coakley: Every loser in Vegas thinks they can do better! You know what winners do? They walk away from the table while they're up!
- Rick: We let down the male species, you know that?
- Fred: Maybe you were right. Maybe we should call it a day, just ask the girls to come home.
- Rick: NO! I want the Hall Pass, okay? At first I wasn't sure, but now I know I want it.
- Fred: I don't even know what the dream is anymore...
- Rick: I'll tell you what it is: I want to remember what it feels like to be with someone who really WANTS to be with me, out of pure desire, not because they HAVE to out of some sense of duty.
- Rick: [after seeing Brent vandalize Fred's car] Take it easy, okay? Relax!
- Brent: No! YOU take it easy! You think you can just come into my club and take my girl, and get away with it? No. Not tonight, buddy. Fuck, no! You're not gonna get away with it! NEVER! EVER!
- Meg: [appears with Paige] Brent?
- Brent: Mother? What are you doing here?
- Fred: Wait wait wait. Aunt Meg is your mom?
- Brent: [to Meg] How does he know your name?
- Meg: Well, we, uh...
- Brent: [shocked] What? No. No. No. No. Are you telling me that this 40-hour-a-week motherfucking soccer dad took my girl, and his flabby asshole... my MOTHER?
- Fred: No! No, no, no! I didn't have sex with your mom! All I did was fake chow her! All right?
- Rick: It's true!
- Brent: [drops his crowbar] That's it. You two are dead men!
- [pulls out a gun]
- Fred: WHOA! HE'S GOT A GUN!
- Meg: Brent, where did you get that?
- Brent: Grandpa's closet!
- Fred: If we can't show that something positive can come from having a Hall Pass, then the whole concept is dead! Not just for you and me, but for all mankind!
- [Fred is moaning, the male cop knocks on the window]
- Male Cop: Are you okay?
- Grace: Don't worry. This isn't what it looks like.
- Fred: Yeah, it isn't.
- Grace: I was giving him a faux-job.
- Male Cop: A faux-job?
- Female Cop: Yeah, that's when a woman goes south on a man but she doesn't use her mouth. So she uses her hands and makes noises.
- Fred: Wait, what?
- Rick: Maybe we should call the girls and ask them to come home.
- Fred: Wait a second, you want to quit?
- Rick: Fred, come on. We're not the same guys we were fifteen years ago, when we were single. We've changed.
- Fred: No, YOU've changed. All you're thinking about is yourself.
- Rick: Fred, I don't care! I'm exhausted! I want to go home! I miss my wife and kids, okay?
- Fred: No, no, no, no, no! Let me explain something to you, okay? If Maggie and Grace find out that we can't get laid on our own, they'll start thinking that we need them to get laid! Do you realize what that'll do to the balance of power in our homes?