Hugh Fraser credited as playing...
Captain Hastings
- Miss Lemon: This lady keeps telephoning, Mr. Poirot.
- Hercule Poirot: Sacré. What a terrible circumstance.
- Miss Lemon: There's no need to be sarcastic, Mr. Poirot. I was going on to say that I didn't put her through to you, because she wouldn't give her name.
- Hercule Poirot: Ah.
- Miss Lemon: I told her you don't take anonymous phone-calls.
- Hercule Poirot: But I do, Miss Lemon. Sometimes I think anonymous telephone calls are the only ones worth taking.
- Miss Lemon: But how will I know where to file her if I haven't got a name?
- Hercule Poirot: Life first, Ms. Lemon, filing second.
- Miss Lemon: Very well then.
- [Hastings huffs in amusement]
- Miss Lemon: Next time she calls, I'll let her talk to you. And on your own head be it.
- Captain Hastings: You shouldn't tease her, Poirot.
- Hercule Poirot: She makes it irresistible.
- Captain Hastings: [Imitating Chief Inspector Japp, who was talking in his sleep] Stand back lads, he's got a blancmange!
- Hercule Poirot: [polishing his shoe] Petroleum jelly, Hastings, that is the secret. You rub it well in and it will prevent the cracking, yes.
- Captain Hastings: [resting on a sofa] How do you work out cubic thingummies?
- Hercule Poirot: Comme?
- Captain Hastings: Cubic thingummies, how do you work them out? I mean, this ceiling is what? Ten feet up, yes. So do you multiply ten...
- Hercule Poirot: Hastings, I am trying to instruct you in the care of patent leather, something that will be of use to you in later life.
- Captain Hastings: So will be cubic thingummies. Suppose I'll have to survey something or something.
- Hercule Poirot: You do not deceive me, Hastings. You are having these eccentric thoughts because of this girl of yours, eh? This student of architecture.
- Captain Hastings: Well, we never seem to have anything to talk about. I tried reading a book about Bernini. She is very keen on Bernini. I couldn't make head or tail of it.
- Hercule Poirot: No, no, no, no, no, Hastings, women do not wish to talk about Bernini and cubic "thingummies".
- Captain Hastings: I don't know if she wants to talk about anything. She's never in when I call around to see her. I end up having tea with her mother every day.