Dan Fogler: Hutch

Fanboys

Hutch

Windows: You guys both got to stop perpetuating this myth that Boba Fett is some kind of bad-ass. All right? He has a jet pack. So did the Rocketeer. Really cool. When it comes time for battle, the man's Michael Bay - all style, no substance.
Hutch: If you diss the Fett the again, I will corn-hole you with a lightsaber!

Hutch: You gotta find your Death Star.
Eric: Okay, I'll bite.
Hutch: Greatest deed Luke Skywalker ever did was take down the Death Star, right? As far as I'm concerned, that's what everybody needs. You need that one bad-ass thing that lets you live on forever, you know.

Zoe: You might wanna hit the showers. 'Cause you smell like something shit *in* my nose.
Hutch: Yes, Your Highnessness.
[Hutch takes off his t-shirt]
Zoe: Ew! What in god's name is living on your chest? It looks like you fell on ALF.

Eric: [hands him a vacuum cleaner] Your mom said clean up this shit-hole or no grilled cheese for a week?
Hutch: [sticks his head out on the door] That's emotional blackmail, and you know it!

Hutch: Rule number one: In my van, it's Rush. All Rush, all the time. No exceptions. Rule number two: Nobody touch the red button. And I mean never touch the red button. Most importantly, rule number three: There's no jerking it in my van!
Windows: [throwing up his hands] Fine...
Hutch: [amid laughter] Don't roll your eyes at ME, Admiral Jackbar!

Linus: Official Episode 1 countdown is six months, 12 days, eight hours and some change.
Windows: I would sell my soul to see that movie right here right now.
Hutch: Dude, I would sell my left nut. And I only have the one nut. So you see how serious I am?

Admiral Seasholtz: Okay. Hilarious, everyone. Looks like we got more Lucas hounds here to mock Roddenberry. Congratulations, gentleman, but I would like to see your Darth Vader take on one Borg drone. And we'll see who's laughing then. Am I right?
Windows: Darth Vader can put the entire Borg collective in a vice grip with his mind.
Admiral Seasholtz: Uh, Darth Vader has asthma, so name me one Star Trek character with a respiratory disease, 'cause I'm drawing a blank.
Linus: Name me one Star Wars character who's gay.
Hutch: Beside's you.
Admiral Seasholtz: Well, no one's gay in Star Trek, so why would I even do that?
Linus: Captain Picard.
Admiral Seasholtz: Okay. Captain Picard is not gay. He's British.
Windows: [in a swishy voice] Come on. "Make it so!"

Chaz: [to Hutch and Windows] Holy shit. If it ain't C-3Penis Face and R2-Dickhead.
Hutch: What did you just say, you giant bastard?

Windows: I met her in a Jedi chatroom. The woman is perfect. She's intelligent and acerbic, and a die-hard fan. She's even got connections inside the Lucas camp.
Linus: Who's also got a man package and a goatee.
Windows: You guys are all just jealous because she describes herself as a cross between Sarah Michelle Gellar and Janeane Garafolo.
Hutch: Tell 'em how you described yourself.
Windows: I was perfectly honest with her.
Linus: You said you look like a white Billy Dee Williams. You called yourself white chocolate.
Windows: I *am* white chocolate.

Hutch: I'm telling you, man. I took that Vulcan down hard. I rolled him into the dirt like he was my frickin tauntaun.
Eric: Tauntaun, my ass. If it wasn't for me, you guys would all be dead.
Windows: What fight were you watching? I was channeling the emperor.
Linus: The emperor? I don't remember the emperor crapping his robe and screaming "time-out."
Eric: Oh, my God. That's right.
Windows: There is such a thing as time-out.
Hutch: [imitating The Emperor] I can feel your anger growing inside. Wait. Time-out.

Zoe: Asshole. You have been trying that Jedi mind shit on me since the eighth grade. It doesn't work.
Hutch: Oh, it works. Tell her, Windows.
Zoe: He's been geeking out with Rogue Leader all morning. Nothing can tear him away.
[lifts her sweater, exposing her breasts to Windows who is on the Internet on his laptop, not looking up]
Zoe: Ah, I love the feeling of fresh air on my naked breasts.
Hutch: Oh, ho-ho!
Zoe: See that? Man's immune to sweater yams.
Hutch: What about me? I like sweater yams!