Michael Peña credited as playing...
Ponch
- Jon: Hey! What's up, I'm Jon! Jon Baker!
- [shakes hand]
- Ponch: Francis... uhh... Ponch... Ponchorello.
- Jon: Oh! You're Ponchorello?
- Ponch: Yeah!
- Jon: Awesome, man, we're partners!
- Ponch: Oh cool!
- Jon: Yeah, let's kick this off with the real thing!
- [goes in for a hug with only underwear on]
- Ponch: Oh dude!
- Jon: Okay.
- Ponch: Slow down a little bit. That was a bit much.
- Jon: If you're homophobic or whatever, that's cool.
- Ponch: No, no, no, no... what?
- Jon: I mean, it's not cool to be homophobic, but I totally respect your right to be.
- Ponch: Wait, you think I'm homophobic, because I won't embrace a man in his underpants that I just met, is that your definition?
- Jon: But your reaction was like, really strong, like borderline violent and I just, I bet if I were, like a hot woman in a bikini, you'd probably be fine hugging me, yeah?
- Ponch: Your question is "would I prefer to hug a hot woman in a bikini over a male stranger in his underpants?" and my answer to that will determine whether or not I'm a homophobe, like according to you?
- Jon: I think you oversimplified it, but yes. I... I do.
- Ponch: Okay, here's my answer: I'm the senior officer here, you're the rookie that doesn't know his mouth from his asshole, let alone the definition of homophobia, so from here on out, you're just gonna shut the fuck up and wait patiently for me to ask all the questions, understood?
- Jon: I got that.
- Ponch: Understood?
- Jon: I understand.
- Ponch: Better. Better.
- Jon: You know, man, I think I'm a little nervous, 'cause it's my first day and I have a lot riding on this, I'm trying to salvage my marriage.
- Ponch: Did I ask you about your failing marriage? Just shut up... and suit up, okay?