Andy Griffith credited as playing...
Andy Taylor
- Andy Taylor: Goodbye, goodbye. Partin' is such sweet sorrow that I would say goodbye 'til it be the morrow.
- Opie Taylor: What's *that* mean?
- Andy Taylor: Well, that means I'd love to set and jaw with ya awhile longer, but I got to be a-movin' on.
- Andy Taylor: Now, you know how folks in these parts feel about their feudin'. Now what if it was to get out that we had a eighty-seven-year-old feud a-goin' on here with nary a killin' to show for it? Why, we'd be the laughingstock of the state.
- Opie Taylor: What's a soliloquy, Pa?
- Andy Taylor: Well, a soliloquy is where you kind of look a-way off and kinda talk to yourself.
- Opie Taylor: Oh.
- Andy Taylor: They used to do that a whole lot back then. You do it today and somebody will take you away.
- Andy Taylor: Maybe your reason for feudin' with the Carters just don't seem strong enough to young Josh.
- Jedediah Wakefield: No, it ain't that.
- Andy Taylor: How do you know it ain't?
- Jedediah Wakefield: 'Cause he don't know the reason.
- Andy Taylor: He don't? You mean you ain't never told him?
- Jedediah Wakefield: Nope.
- Andy Taylor: Why? How come?
- Jedediah Wakefield: 'Cause *I* don't know the reason.
- Andy Taylor: You mean your Pa never did tell you?
- Jedediah Wakefield: Nope.
- Andy Taylor: Well, why?
- Jedediah Wakefield: Well, could be 'cause he didn't know the reason neither.
- Andy Taylor: Who was the last Wakefield that *did* know the reason?
- Jedediah Wakefield: It must have been his grandpa.
- Andy Taylor: Well, then, how come he didn't pass along the reason?
- Jedediah Wakefield: Well, it could be by the time his young'un got old enough to join the feudin' that my great grandpa just clear had forgotten.
- Andy Taylor: Now, I looked up the records, the old sheriff's records and hospital records and such as that for the past 87 years and do you know what?
- Jedediah Wakefield: What?
- Andy Taylor: There ain't never been nary a Wakefield or Carter that was so much as even hit.
- Jedediah Wakefield: Well, it ain't because we wasn't tryin'!
- Mr. Carter: Dang Wakefields keep movin' around!
- Andy Taylor: [explaining Romeo and Juliet to Opie] And Juliet said, "Romeo, Romeo, where art thou Romeo?" And Romeo said, "Well, I'm right 'tchere!"
- Josh Wakefield: Sheriff, it don't matter what her name is, Wakefield or Carter. We're both more'n 18. It's your bound and duty to marry us if we ask you to.
- Andy Taylor: Well, now. The boy's got hisself a point.
- [Mr. Wakefield and Mr. Carter point their shotguns at Andy]
- Andy Taylor: But y'all have got better points.
- Andy Taylor: It just seems to me if I was going to take a shot at a fella, it'd pass my mind to ask what for.
- Jedediah Wakefield: I'll be danged if I know where you young folks get all them newfangled ideas.
- Mr. Carter: 'Course I know the reason I'm shootin' at him!
- Andy Taylor: Well, how come?
- Mr. Carter: 'Cause he's a Wakefield!
- Andy Taylor: What does that mean to you?
- Mr. Carter: It means I gotta shoot at him.
- Andy Taylor: Well, why do you have to shoot at him?
- Mr. Carter: 'Cause he's a Wakefield!
- Andy Taylor: Ready? One... Fellas, you're supposed to walk when I start countin'.
- Mr. Carter: Well, a fella's legs gets mighty heavy.
- Jedediah Wakefield: Yeah, everybody knows a fella gets our age, the first thing that goes is his legs.
- Andy Taylor: Well, it's just a short walk and it's the last time you'll be a-usin' them.