Frank Thornton credited as playing...
Captain Peacock
- Captain Stephen Peacock: On the chest of a barmaid from Sale, Was tattooed all the prices of ale. Whilst on her behind, for the sake of the blind, was precisely the same, but in Braille.
- Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries: [Mr. Grainger is snoring on his chair] Poor old soul, he's been on his feet all day. He probably goes to sleep about this time on the train.
- Captain Stephen Peacock: Mr. Grainger?
- Mr. Rumbold: Mr. Grainger?
- Miss Brahms: Mr. Grainger?
- Mrs. Slocombe: Miss Brahms! Mr. Grainger?
- Miss Brahms: Baldy?
- Mr. Rumbold: One hesitates to lay hands on him. Still...
- Mr. Lucas: Oh no, no, no. I wouldn't if I were you, Mr, Rumbold. No, no. Just think. Sudden shock, heart attack, kicks the bucket. News Of The World: "Aged Worker Dies At Hands Of Overseer". That wouldn't look good for Grace Brothers.
- Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries: Excuse me, Captain Peacock. I think I know what to do.
- [coughs]
- Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries: Are you free, Mr. Grainger?
- Mr. Ernest Grainger: Yes, I'm free, Mr. Humphries.
- Captain Stephen Peacock: Mrs. Slocombe, do you feel like having cocoa and buns, now?
- Mrs. Slocombe: I never feel like having cocoa and buns. If I'd known the firm was going to be so stingy, I'd have gone out and had a Wimpy cheeseburger.
- Mr. Rumbold: I believe there's some cheese in the buns.
- Miss Brahms: I don't like cheese.
- Mr. Lucas: There's not very much cheese in the buns.
- Mrs. Slocombe: Good morning, Captain Peacock.
- Captain Stephen Peacock: Eight fifty-eight.
- [hands her a pencil to sign in]
- Mrs. Slocombe: As departmental head of ladies' ready-mades, I hardly think it necessary for me to clock in like a char.
- Captain Stephen Peacock: What has happened to Miss Brahms?
- Mrs. Slocombe: She isn't late, she's powdering her nose.
- Captain Stephen Peacock: She ought to sign in first.
- Mrs. Slocombe: It was very urgent that she powdered it when she did. And I gave her permission so to do.
- Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries: [Signing in at work] Good morning Captain Peacock.
- [Looks at his watch]
- Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries: Eight fifty-nine and ten... ten seconds, yes. I would have been here at eight fifty-eight, but I caught my hand bag in the lift.
- Captain Stephen Peacock: Hand bag?
- Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries: Well, it's Miss Brahms' actually. She left it on the stairs. She must have been in rather a hurry. Besides, I wouldn't be seen dead with imitation crocodile, not with these shoes anyway.
- Miss Brahms: Sorry I'm late, Captain Peacock.
- Captain Stephen Peacock: That's all right, Miss Brahms.
- Mr. Lucas: Oh, it's all right for her, is it?
- Captain Stephen Peacock: She has been powdering her nose.
- Mr. Lucas: Well, why is it so shiny then?
- Captain Stephen Peacock: Mr. Grainger, would you step this way please, if you're free.
- Mr. Ernest Grainger: Yes, I'm... I'm free, Captain Peacock.
- Captain Stephen Peacock: Mr. Humphries, Mr. Lucas?
- Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries: Free, Captain Peacock.
- Mr. Lucas: Oh, very free, Captain Peacock.
- Captain Stephen Peacock: Step this way.
- Mr. Rumbold: That was a very smart bit of selling, Mr. Lucas. You see, the smile does the trick.
- Mr. Lucas: Oh, it does indeed, Mr. Rumbold, yes.
- Mr. Rumbold: You obviously know your stock very well. Even I was unaware we had a vicuna coat.
- Captain Stephen Peacock: We haven't. Mr. Lucas sold Mr. Grace his own coat.
- Mr. Rumbold: Mr. Lucas sold Mr. Grace, Mr. Lucas's coat?
- Captain Stephen Peacock: No... Mr. Lucas sold Mr. Grace, Mr. Grace's coat.
- Captain Stephen Peacock: Mrs. Slocombe, I hope your cat won't suffer unduly from its enforced confinement.
- Mrs. Slocombe: Oh, it's not confined. It's shut up.