Rowan Atkinson credited as playing...
Captain Edmund Blackadder
- [last lines]
- [Blackadder has found Baldrick and George drunk]
- Private Baldrick: I think I can explain sir.
- Captain Blackadder: Can you, Baldrick?
- Private Baldrick: No.
- Captain Blackadder: As I suspected. I'm not a religious man as you know, but henceforth I shall pray nightly to the God who killed Cain and squashed Samson that he comes out of retirement and gets back into practice with the pair of you.
- [the phone rings. Blackadder snatches it up]
- Captain Blackadder: Blackadder. Ah, Captain Darling. Well, you know, some of us just have friends in high places, I suppose. No I can hear you perfectly. You want what? You want two volunteers for a mission into No Man's Land. Codename "Operation Certain Death". Yes I think I have just the fellows.
- [He hangs up and looks at the two]
- Captain Blackadder: God is very quick these days.
- [George and Baldrick look terrified]
- [Baldrick enters the witness box at Blackadder's trial]
- Captain Blackadder: [whispering] Baldrick, deny everything.
- Lieutenant George: You are Private Baldrick?
- Private Baldrick: No.
- Lieutenant George: Are you not Captain Blackadder's batman?
- Private Baldrick: No.
- [Blackadder beats his head against the desk]
- [Blackadder is about to be shot]
- Corporal Perkins: Well, Captain, I've got to admire your balls.
- Captain Blackadder: Perhaps later.
- Captain Blackadder: [on the telephone] You'd like to book a table for three, by the window, for 9:30 p.m., not too near the band, in the name of "Oberleutnant von Genschler". Yes? Yes? I think you might have the wrong number.
- [Blackadder is waiting in his prison cell for the inevitable day when he will be executed]
- Corporal Perkins: Do you mind if I disturb you for a moment, sir?
- Captain Blackadder: No, no, not at all. My diary's pretty empty this week. Let's see, Thursday morning, get shot, yes, that's about it, actually.
- Corporal Perkins: It's just there's a few chaps out here would like a bit of a chinwag.
- Captain Blackadder: Oh, lovely. Always keen to meet new people.
- [a small group of soldiers enter the cell]
- Corporal Perkins: Corporal Jones and Privates Spacer, Robinson, and Tipplewick
- All: Hello.
- Captain Blackadder: Oh, nice of you to drop by. And what do you do?
- Corporal Jones: We're your firing squad, sir.