Patricia Heaton credited as playing...
Debra Barone
- Raymond "Ray" Barone: Look, I know a lot of stuff's going on femininally. You know, I know it's not your fault. I understand that. It's, uh you know, it's like a Jekyll and Hyde thing. Only more Hyde. If he's the bad one. It was Hyde, right? Whatever whatever... whatever it is, I know it's not you that's yelling at my friends for making a mess or getting all crazy about clothes on the hamper. I know that that's not you. That's Hyde. If he was the bad one. But you know what? While I was out today, I got you something. I really I want to help you feel better, you know, and... and... and this should take care of all your symptoms.
- Debra Barone: Except for bitchy, right, Ray?
- Raymond "Ray" Barone: What do you mean?
- Debra Barone: I mean, there's nothing in here for bitchy.
- Raymond "Ray" Barone: Probably need a prescription for bitchy.
- Debra Barone: Where's my tape recorder, Ray? Where was my tape recorder when I was in labor with the twins for 36 hours and you were asking the nurse if the TV gets ESPN?
- Ray Barone: 36 hours, that's not a short time.
- Debra Barone: Yeah, guess what? It's even longer when you're trying to push two human beings out of your body while your husband's going, "Does this hospital have fudgesicles?" Yeah, where's my tape recorder, huh? Or when you ask me why I get so upset because I find your underpants in the kitchen, huh? Or when you start snoring at my grandmother's funeral? Or when you tape a football game over our wedding video?
- Ray Barone: Do you really need a tape recorder? You seem to remember everything.
- Debra Barone: Have you ever considered giving me a hug?
- Raymond "Ray" Barone: A hug?
- Debra Barone: Yes! A hug! Did you ever think of that, you big jerk?
- Raymond "Ray" Barone: Well, it's pretty hard to hug someone who's trying to kill you!
- Debra Barone: How would you know? You've never even tried it!
- Raymond "Ray" Barone: Well, look, *this* is not huggable! *This* is not Debra! This is the woman who shows up once a month to tear into me like a monkey on a cupcake!
- Debra Barone: Ray, don't you say one more word or I'm gonna send your mother back in here to smack the crap out of you.
- Debra Barone: I'm crying cause I'm married to an insensitive dirfwad who instead of trying to make life better for his wife tape-records her to prove she's a terrible person.
- Ray Barone: What's a dirfwad?